The Grinch who 'SMELLED' Christmas

Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot...

But the Grinch who lived north of Whoville did not!

The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas Season! Now please don’t ask why,

But I think I may know the reason.

It could be his migraine head wasn’t screwed on right

And the pressure was often too tight! 

But I think the most likely reason to tell

May have been that he could not withstand 'that Christmas SMELL'!! 

Whatever the reason, his head or his nose,

He stood there on Christmas Eve 

Feeling all the Christmas woes.

Staring down from his cave with a sour Grinchy frown

He wished with his might he could feel welcomed in their town.

...the Grinch came up with an idea to smell Christmas without getting sick...

Maybe he would steal fun presents 

That noticeably reeked of wretched scents.

With all the Whos tucked in their beds,

Mr.Grinch and his sensitive nose

Hopped onto his sled,

Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings! The tags! And the tinsel!

He felt no gift should be smelly or too noisy or too bright

Because he wanted to enjoy Christmas without a migraine that night.

He rode with his load to the tip top to dump it!

“Pooh-pooh” to the Whos he was humming

Because there would be no toys for loud drumming!

“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two

Then I will hear crying and all the Boo Hoos!”

“That’s a noise i simply must hear”

So he paused, and the Grinch put his hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow

It started in low and then it started to grow.

There was no crying or shouting or stomping of feet

No, the sounds were joyful and gleefully sweet!

The Whos were happy without any presents at all

Because Christmas was coming once and for all! 

The Grinch hadn’t stopped Christmas from coming! It came! 

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

It came without ribbons! It came without tags!

It came without packages, boxes, or bags!

“Maybe Christmas,” he thought “doesn’t come from a store.”

“Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more!”

The Grinch’s heart softened and his migraine head became less tight

As he took his Aimovig shot and settled down for the night.

The Whos invited Mr Grinch because they knew he struggled a lot

And therefore needed their friendship filled with support on the spot.

They all then gathered ‘round the supper table to enjoy a feast,

And they allowed Mr Grinch to carve the organic, preservative-free roast beast!

Adapted from How the Grinch Stole Christmas 

By Dr.Seuss 

Letting go of daylight

As I sit looking out the window at the gorgeous leaves blowing everywhere on this truly blustery day, I am reminded that in a few short hours it will be time to turn the clocks back one full hour which will take us out of DST—-daylight savings time.  I will bid fairwelll to the longer, fun days 

of light and welcome in the longer days of darkness.    

I pause to catch my breath, close my eyes and inhale deeper and slower.   The cycle of the seasons again repeat themselves over and over.   I desire to hold onto Summer, but I still look forward to the eye catching beauty of Fall and all its splendor.  

The last of the leaves are blowing off the trees and creating a giant colored carpet on our lawn. It is beautiful.   Heading outside for a walk, the leaves crumble beneath my feet, and I can’t stop taking pictures on my cell phone.  I want to capture every last bit of color possible before the trees become bare as the starkness of Winter approaches.   

Nature will unfold as it always does in its proper time.  It is well to praise our Creator for His handiwork that He freely gives us for our pleasure and a gift of His love. 

Each season has so much beauty and joy wrapped up in it.  Let’s take time each day to look for the miracles especially when life seems hard to bear. 

Get some good rest with that extra hour and hopefully you will be ready to embrace the shorter days of sunlight.  

 My body likes the longer, quieter evenings because some days I feel exhausted from trying to tread water. I can tuck in early and read or write or—-yes, watch my favorite Hallmark movies!  Who doesn’t love that?!  Lol.    All is well. 

“Autumn is a second Spring when every leaf is a flower.”

                Albert Camus 

Summerfall

I discovered a new way to describe my favorite season.  It is Summerfall.  I am cheating, perhaps, because I don’t want to choose between the two.  Okay friends, don’t judge me here. They both give me pleasure while decorating, cooking, dressing, and enjoying numerous activities each has to offer.   I feel strongly connected to both at the moment. 

Summerfall is a kind of in between place.  While September and into early October tend to be mild and sunny weather (at least here in CT) , I take advantage of enjoying summer flowers in my window boxes, walking the boardwalk at the beach, wearing sandals while sporting a nice pedicure, and grilling meals outside yet.   I feel as though I have permission to stand a bit longer outside in the evenings and gaze at the night sky listening attentively to the peepers in the pond. 

For me, this was the first summer in eight years that slowly but surely I was able to tolerate increased activity with  chronic M.  I conquered more fears and headed out the door ready to face some special events that I wouldn’t have even attempted before this. I was determined not to constantly let M have the final say.   “He”rode in the car, but “he”was not in the driver’s seat! I was! 

As much as I love to bundle up in sweaters and hold a mug of hot coffee or tea, I hesitate to fully bring myself to embrace the next season because it does mean letting go of Summer. But ready or not, here it comes.    Just like that.   Residing in New England allows for all four distinct seasons to be observed which I like.  I couldn’t live somewhere where the majority of the year was really hot or cold.  Not for me.   But now I want to add a fifth season just for fun! 

Another reason I may be holding onto summer a bit tighter is because it bestowed physical and spiritual gifts which were unexpected and delightful. God surprised me with little miracles that only I could see and feel but were no less significant.   I have been holding these fragile gifts close to my heart. These gifts and miracles mark a Summer to remember, but just because Fall is almost here does not mean that these gifts and blessings will disappear.  Not at all.  I shall open my hands and heart to what beauty is yet to come.  

Instead of always thanking God for the miracles and gifts He already bestowed, I think I need to try and thank Him for the ones that are on the way.  The ones that I can’t see just yet.   It is with sincere humility that I do so. 

I will eventually turn in my flip flops for boots (and boy do I LOVE my boots!), dressing in layers, making everything pumpkin I can think of and decorating with lots of Fall color. Oh yes, picking apples too!

Slowly I am easing my way into the next season, but for now, Summerfall feels safe. 

Do you have a favorite season?  If  so, what makes it special? 

What kind of activities do you enjoy in the Fall? 

Do you have some special memories from the Summer that made you happy? 

Maybe you would like to  join me in experiencing Summerfall! 

A mountain vista

A long overdue get-a-way was how my hubby and I of thirty years spent our anniversary.   We could hardly believe this was the first, real small vacation we took that focused on just US.  All of our other times away involved kids and family or work commitments.   We would always get lost in the shuffle somehow and then return home and feel as though we didn’t actually focus on “couple time”. Let’s not forget traveling to visit special doctors and hospitals which totally put the yummy icing on the cake.  Geez...

We were blessed this time to visit friends whom we haven’t seen in many many years.   What a delightful treat!   We even took a day to make a special drive to peek at where I first lived after college and had my first nursing job.  From there, we ate lunch with dear friends and even saw our priest who married us.  He gave us a special blessing which will hopefully carry through for another thirty years!   The afternoon was spent with fond reminiscing and laughter.  Our hearts were definitely lifted up and filled with joy.  

Praying that my head and body would hold up through the next part of the trip, we continued down to VA to visit more friends whom we haven’t seen in years.   What an absolute delight.  We stayed at their bed and breakfast and were royally spoiled.  I wish to give a shout out to Windridge Manor near Lynchburg,VA.   Kelly and John Heckman are the owners, and they truly have an amazing place!  They focus on it being a wedding venue, but we were able to stay a few days as guests.   Oh.my.gosh.   The home and property are stunning.   

During our visit, I actually saw my husband RELAX.  Yep, you read it correctly—- RELAX.  He breathed in and exhaled slowly and purposefully for those few days.  Woo hoo!  We enjoyed a combination of sitting and rocking on their balcony as well as some sightseeing around the area.  The weather was extremely hot and humid so that limited our time outdoors.  No problem.  We sat ourselves down in their manor and just chatted.  We intentionally leaned into one another, listened, and shared life together.   How wonderful is that? 

Life slowed down a bit for those few days not only because we didn’t have a rushed agenda to fulfill but also because we could barely move after breakfast.  I am not kidding.  Kelly prepared a breakfast fit for a king and queen!  It was enough food to last us all day!  Unbelievable you all!  

Too funny and totally a “Kelly thing”!  

A real gift was my ability to take each day, check in with my head, and move forward with some plans whether they be sightseeing or taking it easy at the manor.  I believe my new medicine is slowly helping decrease some tough M attacks.  I am more able to abort them with the necessary meds and not be completely flat out in bed.  Praise God.  Gently stepping back into my life is refreshing to say the least. 

Michael and I talked about our thirty plus years together and we couldn’t believe how fast those years have flown by.  Unbelievable really.  We talked about the good, the not so good, and all the in between.   Most days consist of the messy middle and the normal in between. These past eight years of my illness have been a real difficult challenge to our marriage in many ways.  But—-we are better and stronger for it.  I guess God really does know what crosses we can bear only WITH Him. He placed the right people in our path to help us along the journey.   And He still does.   

September is a time for new beginnings and a new season.  Change is all around us. Some of it good and some may be more challenging which could be tough to navigate. It is not all sunshine and rainbows. I get that.  I really do.  Physically my body has a rough time with more painful days slipping into another season.  I will prepare as I can and then go with the flow.  We all realize that the hardships don’t get easier just because we transition from summer to fall.  Things take time to work themselves out.  Hopefully, day by day, some of our longings and desires will come to fruition.  

Michael and I are extremely grateful for our mini getaway. We love our anniversary being Labor Day weekend because it is in between Summer and the beginning of Fall.  It is the letting go as well as the receiving of new gifts and opportunities.  

Friends, I wish you a smooth transition from Summer to Fall, and I hope you are looking forward to new adventures and opportunities.   May the hot apple cider, pumpkin loafs, and the changing of leaves bring peace and calm to you.  

Time for another transition

A few days ago I found myself on a loud and crowded airplane traveling from CT to the University of Illinois at Urbana Champagne to help get our son settled to begin his new adventures in graduate school.  Just a few short months ago I traveled by plane to Austin,Texas for his college graduation!  WHERE HAS THE SUMMER GONE?!  I know I have asked myself this question as long as I can remember, but it truly seems as though my favorite season of Summer whirls by quicker and quicker every year.  My bare feet have barely spent time in the sand.  

Sitting on the plane traveling to the Midwest, I smile and breathe more peacefully because I feel more confident and less anxious about traveling this time.  I have had two past experiences of practicing the “M drill” and what that entails to survive my excursions.  Actually I don’t just want to SURVIVE them, I want to THRIVE in them.  

The biggest comfort this time was being able to enjoy the in flight TV which suited me perfectly.  I got to put on the head phones and watch my favorite Hallmark station, and I actually saw a movie I hadn’t seen before! Win Win!  This took up practically the entire flight time.   I was well medicated for my M and I felt like I was a bit in la la land anyway.  

The real challenge came when I had to navigate Chicago Ohare airport.  Unbelievable.  To say it is huge and busy and noisy is an understatement.   We had a four hour or so layover so that was a real picnic.  NOT.  While the shops were fun to browse and the eateries kind of fun, that all wore off quickly.   I was only amused for about an hour, and after that, I wanted to lie down for my nap and get quiet.  I would walk around, then sit, then stretch and back up to walk again.  Rinse and repeat for several hours.  I had a few good cups of coffee as well to keep going!  

People watching at an airport is quite the sport.  I usually wonder where they are going, from where they came, and what is their particular story.  Nowadays everyone is practically on their cell phones constantly and they barely look up to see where they are walking.  It is kind of dangerous, actually, in a busy place like an airport.    I kept my earplugs in and tried to block out at least some of the overbearing volume of all the sensory overload.  I kept grounded and focused on keeping my body and mind calm.  This time I was able to do so much better and easier than my trip in May.  I realized that I have been preparing myself well for how I have to manage and navigate traveling with chronic M.  

This experience of moving our son to another place so he can start his new adventures marks another momma transition.  He is the youngest of four sons, and I truly can’t grasp the reality of how he arrived so fast to this present moment and opportunity.  He has always been one determined and independent young child who grew up into one determined and independent young adult. He has a long road ahead of him with his program.  God bless him. 

Our home this summer has been full of life, crazy chaos, joy and laughter, and difficult messes as well.  Every time I try and “prepare” for the next transition, I realize I am left floundering and unable.  The transition just happens, and the key to coping is just going with it and adapting as best as possible.  This is a valuable lesson I have learned living with chronic illness.  By accepting what is and not fighting against it all the time, I allow space for the adapting and adjusting.   As the tides grow bigger and scarier, I learn to adjust my sails and continue on.  

Turtle crossing

“Slow and steady wins the race” says my kind and compassionate headache specialist.  He senses my frustration and impatience when it comes to living with and managing chronic M. He offers wise words that validate my feelings while also bringing hope to my situation.  For eight years I have been ingesting and injecting medicines, vitamins, and supplements galore.  I also wear non-invasive medical devices on my head that make me appear as some alien being on a Sci-fi show.   I do anything I can to help myself cope with all of it.  

In addition to the western medicines, I incorporate other alternative disciplines and therapies to aid in the whole treatment approach to healing.   I find it all to be very helpful.   I am deeply grateful for my wonderful and talented therapists who walk this journey with me. However, most days I just feel plain TIRED and SLOW.  Most of the medicines I take have nasty side effects which really zap any and all energy I may posses.  If it isn’t the pain cycles from the attacks then it is the meds that keep me kind of loopy and lethargic.    I NEVER get enough sleep or rest to feel I can keep up with the rest of the world.  

This is where I know my Dr is trying to show me that by slowly introducing new treatments over time that there is no one quick fix and that it is over the long haul I need to remain patient.   This being said, I mentioned in my June blog that I was a candidate to try the brand new Aimovig drug made especially for the treatment of migraines.  Hallelujah!  Well, I gave myself the first injection a little over two weeks ago, and I am seeing “some”results.  This is a preventive medicine that works over time and may take months for noticeable differences.   Again—-SLOW and steady wins the race.  

About a month ago, I was in my car traveling on a back road behind our middle school and I noticed a rather medium sized turtle trying to cross the road in front of me.  I stopped and waited until he safely reached his destination with his very slow and steady pace.   There were no cars behind me so I was not holding up traffic.  As he crossed, I thought about myself.   I feel OLD and SLOW most days.  I can’t exercise at the pace I used to.  My gait for walking is much slower.  If I go from sitting to standing I need to be careful or else I will get dizzy and faint like.  As I see my friends who are my age busy with keeping in shape, sometimes I feel frustrated and discouraged at my limitations.  However, if I look back on my journey, I can now see just how far I have come. 

 I decided to wait for that turtle because I respected his pace and purpose.  My tribe does the same for me too.  How grateful I am.  

I am being humbled by slowing down.  I actually see and hear and feel more of God’s magnificent beauty right in front of me simply because I am not sprinting by it.   I used to be more like the hare in the famous fable of the tortoise and the hare, but now I am certainly more like the turtle.  I guess this isn’t so bad after all.  

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him. “.        James 1:12 (NIV). 

This is the ultimate race; I hope to finish this one well.   

Help wanted

June is coming to a close, and I have been active and engaged with migraine advocacy and awareness.  The work is fulfilling and it is personally uplifting to know that I can reach out and help others right from my own home.   The availability of online communities which offer support to one another and validate real life experiences is not to be underestimated.  Many of us lead quieter lives which keep us more at home some days or for extensive periods of time depending upon our level of disability.  It is a fine tight rope to walk and balance the inside, quieter world with the louder, outside one.  

 

At the present moment, I am eagerly awaiting the new drug I mentioned in my last post.   It should soon arrive and I am actually looking forward to giving myself another shot!  Lol!  The things we desperate chronic migraineurs do for relief.  Well, this is just eagerly grasping for any and all reasonable options.  This is called HOPE.   

As my purple-streaked hair fades, my work does not.   There is much more to be done.  I will continue to bring awareness and offer my story of hope and courage that it may benefit others.  Hopefully, they may discover strength and insight to move forward in their own journey.   

I think it is important to find our own unique calling and pray for strength and wisdom to carry out that calling.   It is crucial not to compare with others.  We are better off when we connect and not compare.   That is how we best help one another.   I trust that the Lord will always equip me for the work He is calling me to do.    I know He will.  

Without this particular trial, I would not be who I am in Christ today.   My daily walk with chronic M teaches me to trust and surrender ALL to Him.   Some days are really ugly and messy. Some days are pretty good and colorful.    Some days are in the mixed up middle.  And , that’s okay! It really is.  

Friends, thank you for all you do to lift me up and carry me when I can’t walk another step.   It is your love and support and strength that give me the power to move forward.   God bless all of you. 

In light of all the hurt and wrongdoing and misunderstanding and out of control egos today, let’s take the time to notice others who may need our intentional presence of love and listening.   May we provide a safe place for their heart and soul to land without judgement.  There is no place for arrogance or bullying.  There is only a place for compassion.  

Summer is here!

Summer has officially arrived in all of its glory.   After our crazy “Spring”, I think we are all ready for a change.  I, for one, am excited about stepping fully into this season which is full of warmth and light.  Nature is so alive and colorful and bearing much fruit. 

Ever since I was little, I longed for summer days just hanging out with friends participating in carefree moments that took a break from academics and so called structured learning.  There was always something to do, but better yet, there was always nothing to do.  As long as the day ended with eating juicy slices of watermelon, pondering the ever evolving night skyscape,  and catching fireflies, then all seemed right with the world.  

My days sure look a lot different from my childhood memories of feeling carefree due to living with chronic migraine disease.    I used to LOVE being in the sun at poolside or the beach.  I could take long walks in the heat and sun and never think a thing of it.  Now, I need to be very mindful of my stricter boundaries on navigating my summer days.   

Most migraineurs experience photosensitivty from both the sunlight as well as many inside bright, fluorescent lights, and the new LEDs are terrible!  I go nowhere without my shades and don them wherever and whenever deemed necessary to withstand the unpleasant environment.  Big box stores are really a no-no for me more than 15 minutes.  Frequently I am also wearing my baseball cap with a nice visor to help cut glare as well.   

As far as the heat, I don’t tolerate that well anymore.  I stay mostly in the shade if possible and keep cool inside during the real heat of the day.   By evening time, I take walks with my hubby on the boardwalk or in our neighborhood while  enjoying the beautiful summer sunsets.   It is all good. I live and move with great gratitude for every second spent out of a dark room too sick to move.   

So here is to eating juicy watermelon and watching sunsets and catching fireflies!  Here is to gathering for picnics and sharing life with one another! Here is to choosing joy and offering kindness to the world around us.  

Here is to wearing shades today in solidarity for migraine awareness 😎😎

May everyone have an awesome summer!! 

Getting my purple on

June is all about the color purple and raising awareness of the facts of living with headache and migraine disease.   Luckily for  me, I have always loved the color purple, so the more the better in my mind!  Just as many diseases have colors and mottos and months dedicated to their awareness, June is my chance to educate and advocate for those living with this often debilitating illness.   

I will share a few sobering facts from the American Migraine Foundation.

Migraine disease is one of the 20 most disabling medical illnesses in the world and the 12th most disabling disorder in the U.S. 

More than 90% of migraine sufferers can’t function normally during an attack.

The World Health Organization has stated that severe migraine attacks are as disabling as quadriplegia.

More than 4 million adults experience Chronic Migraine.  

For more than 90% of those affected, migraine interferes with their education, career, and social lives. 

Migraine is three times more common in women than in men. 

70% of children who experience migraine have an immediate family member who suffers or has suffered from migraine.  

There are over 100 different types of headache. 

Migraine costs the U.S. 113 million workdays every year.   

These are just a few of the facts that are significant in showing the general public that Migraine is not a simple, little headache that can go away with a few aspirin and then life returns to “normal.”   

Like many diseases, there is a long continuum that people fit into depending upon their symptoms. While some individuals encounter infrequent and milder forms of symptoms and attacks relieved by infrequent use of medication, there are those of us who suffer at the other end with frequent and debilitating attacks which are difficult to manage.    The American Migraine Foundation states that “ there are no two patients who are the same.”    

Since migraine disease is basically an invisible illness, people have a hard time understanding the severity of the suffering.  We may smile, put on our make up, and attempt to attend activities that are fun which then confuses the general public.  We may “look just fine” so immediately that means we are feeling great. WRONG! We so desperately WANT to participate in our wonderful lives that we grin and bear the awful symptoms in hopes of enjoying some normalcy.  This is not easy. 

The plethora of medications is another issue all together.    They have so many awful side effects which add to already feeling poorly. Ugh. No need for details but suffice to say that the side effects wreak havoc on our bodies both physically and emotionally.   And it takes sometimes months to see if one new drug will actually “work” and be tolerated.   If not, then the whole treatment regimen starts all over again. For me, my poor body doesn’t know if it is coming or going some days.  

A good take-a-way would be to please be patient with those whom you know are suffering.  They may cancel plans a lot.  Some days they may find it difficult to even get out of bed. They may be emotionally fragile.  They may feel completely at their wits end.  Living with a chronic illness of any sort has its challenges, and it is always good to remember that no one ever really knows what tough “stuff” others are enduring on a daily basis.    Sitting quietly while listening and offering your unique presence is so important to help those of us to cope.  

I will continue to educate and advocate all year round, not just in June, of course.  

However, let’s get our purple on and stand with one another in gaining awareness of this complex disease. 

So much more research needs to be done and money raised. Thankfully,  my wonderful and brilliant headache specialist continues to build his practice while he clinically cares for patients and continues conducting cutting edge research.   I am blessed beyond belief to be under his care.  

Hopefully my next post will be about my trying the new migraine drug that is all the rage with our headache and migraine community!  Woo hoo!  We are all doing the happy dance as it is supposed to be the deal breaker in reducing the number of attacks per month.  Yay!!  

I always keep up hope.  I know that God is always good, and He is with me every step of the way.   I desire to share my story so as to help others on their journey and lead them to a better place of healing. 

The next time you wear purple or buy a purple “something”, think of M awareness and offer a little, wee prayer for us.   Thank you, my friends.  God bless. 

A commencement ceremony, a landscape of pretty cacti, and a little bit of crazy

It gets me every time.  The band starts to play “Pomp and Circumstance”, and I fall apart.  As I watch my son and the other graduates of the proud class of 2018 file into the arena, I can barely see straight to take photos.  I yell, clap, and fiddle with my phone, but mostly I become one, hot mess.  I take some deep cleansing breaths just to calm down.   It is as if I am not part of this reality. Instead, my mind shifts focus to all the years leading up to this very special event. Flashbacks run through my mind as I think about his growing up so quickly that it seems it all happened in a heartbeat.  Why just recently he made his decision to attend UTAustin!  Now he is finished! How can this be?! I desperately want time to stand still just for awhile.  If these few moments could be freeze-framed, I would be happy.   As the graduates march to their seats and file in accordingly, I do my best to regroup and return to the present moment.  

I realize this is not a new scenario for many parents.  The mixed emotions of the days that lead up to a child’s graduation are deep and heartfelt in ways that words cannot accurately express.  I think that since this is my last son’s college graduation, it feels extra bittersweet.   This is a mama’s sappy heart which holds the greatest gratitude for every single ounce of grace that brings our family together on this special and proud occasion.  Gathering together and witnessing all four of our sons’ milestones over the years are nothing short of miracles.   

The other miracle lies in the fact that our family (with all of its challenges and limitations) even made it to Austin in one piece! Believe me, anyone who knows us can attest to this. We aren’t the kind of family that jumps out of bed and easily makes our way to some important destination. We jump through hoops and traverse obstacles as if we are in military training even for the simplest of get-a-ways.  I have been preparing for this trip for the past four years right after my son stepped foot onto the campus.  I made up my mind I WOULD gain the strength and courage to be there for his commencement. This is what mamas do!!  

I asked anybody and everybody to please pray for us, and I wasn’t kidding.  

God came through BIG!  Doesn’t He always??    He guided and protected our family through the entire two weeks of our trip which certainly consisted of some pain and difficulties.  However, each day unfolded beautifully, simply, and peacefully.  We couldn’t have asked for more.  

Exploring the Austin area was a fun little adventure.   Our oldest son now lives there out in the hill country.  We enjoyed seeing his place of residence for the first time. We are thankful for his transition to the area. He is an expert tour guide and knows his way around the city as well as the hill country ——and of course, knows all the yummy barbecue dives!!   He certainly introduced us to the local Texas cuisine. I don’t think we could have navigated the tricky city driving without his expertise and enthusiasm.  

In addition to the local cuisine, observing the variety of desert cacti was fun.  I really liked the diverse foliage with the unique blooming cacti all over the place. Having the opportunity to visit the LBJ Wildflower gardens was a real treat.  The heat was bearable and not oppressive, thankfully, so we were able to stroll around the pathways and take in nature’s beauty.   

We helped pack up our son’s four years of “stuff” as well as memories. He said his goodbyes to friends and professors and is now looking forward to his next big adventures.  We are so very proud of the young man he is becoming. 

Overall, our crazy family schlepped our way around the city in our own crazy manner.  It wasn’t always easy, but we did it, and we are proud of ourselves!!  We took care of one another and gave one another courage to keep moving forward. 

Upon return I am now exhausted.  My stamina and strength have disappeared.   I will need several days to recover and allow my body to rest.  This is okay because the important thing is that I made the trip with my cantankerous head for which I am deeply grateful.  New boundaries were stretched and new journeys and adventures lie ahead.   Thanks be to God.  

 

As the fog lifts

Spring fog is both haunting and beautiful simultaneously.  As I sip coffee in the morning, my eyes behold the haziness of the landscape.   I can barely see the birds on the feeder pecking for food or the silly grey squirrels chasing one another around my yard.  The color of the tree buds are not quite clear yet. My sleepy eyes try to adjust to the grey fog in hopes that it will soon burn off and give way to some sun later on. 

Living near the water increases the chances of morning fog compared to that of living inland.  I have learned this over the years.  When I arise from my sleep to start the day, my mood is immediately affected when I see a heavy, grey fog blanketing the neighborhood.  It  appears drab and dreary.  Many times I become impatient with it because I desire to experience a bright, sunny morning with some sort of familiar clarity. 

I need to remind myself that Mother Nature takes her time.   She doesn’t rush in lifting her veil.  Slowly but surely the vanishing fog gives way to some vibrant Spring colors.  It is best for me to sit with the process and practice patience and not complain.   

I liken Mother Nature’s fog experience to that of my own personal one.  Chronic M is one continual cycle of up and down, in and out, light and dark.  As the relentless pain phase finally gives way to relief, my body immediately enters a fog phase, better known as the postdromal phase of M. Believe me, it can be just as debilitating as the pain only in a different way.  It feels much like a severe  hangover without the “fun” the night before.  

My brain fog takes over my entire body, not just my head.  I don’t see the world clearly.  My senses are off balance and I can only operate on one speed. SLOW.  I can’t always comprehend what others are saying.  My reading and writing skills diminish greatly.  I have memory gaps which can be really frustrating.  Plainly put, I feel like a total wack-a-doodle!!  

My entire body is SO exhausted from the attack.  It is a type of fatigue that is not really relieved by resting or napping.  It actually just has to wear off on its own.  This feels like it takes forever. When I wander around in my own “M fog”, it makes me feel as if I could jump out of my skin.  No matter how hard I try to push through or speed up the process, it just doesn’t work.  (And no, ten cups of coffee a day don’t help either!).    The more I push, the worse I feel.  Between the M hangover and all the meds I have to take during the attack, I feel as though there is a huge veil over me.  Crazy. 

However, I keep reminding myself that this too shall pass and once again I will return to the land of the living, but sometimes I totally lose patience. 

As I sit here on this foggy Spring morning writing this post, I am emerging from my own M  brain fog and starting to feel lighter and brighter. I sit with joy and gratitude.  I count my many blessings as well as the strength with which God continually provides me to walk this journey.  

In the truthful words of my mama, “Fog means sunshine is coming!”  I need reminding of this every now and then. 

My bunny birthday

My fifty something birthday is soon coming up, and instead of wearing flip flops, I will  more than likely be wearing warm socks and boots.   This year the arrival of Spring is taking its good ole’ time.    Up in New England, we have experienced snow in March and it is still not letting go in April.  It is reminding us that Mother Nature is in charge.  

The pure joy of seeing buds bloom while stepping outside to temps that don’t feel raw, damp and cold will be extra special. Guarded anticipation of actively seeing new life shoot up from the dark, brown earth is exciting.  It is like going on a treasure hunt and discovering the beauty of the continual life cycle of seasons.  No matter how long or harsh Winter was for all of us,  it is time to let go now.

Each year around Easter time, I unpack my large bunny collection and display my beautiful and plentiful bunnies all over the house—-both inside and out.  I love them, and I recall precious memories from where they came and from whom.  Each bunny has its own unique story, and if it were alive, I would sit and listen while it spoke to me. I never tire of meticulously unwrapping each bunny and finding a special place for it.  It takes way more time to set out this bunny collection than it does my Christmas decorations! 

  For fifty some years, family and friends have cared  enough to take the time to find “just the right one” for me.  How special and kind is that?  I am known as the bunny lady!  All in fun for sure.  I never pack away the entire collection, and there are always plenty that stay hopping around my house year round.  

I am one who is not really into collectibles per say, but this bunny collection started when I was born, and it just kept growing without my participation.   Every once in awhile I do add to it because I see one that I just “must have”!! Other than that, it is always such a fun surprise to open up a package and see the clever bunny chosen just for me.  As I receive with joy, I see the giver smile with joy as well.  

Life can bring us down every now and then, and it sure helps to have something significant at our disposal to lift our spirits.   When setting up my bunny collection this year, it came to mind just how cute and cheerful these bunnies are to me.   However, a few years ago I was so sick and weak and depressed that I didn’t even have the energy to display them.   Frankly, I didn’t care.   That was a huge red flag to anyone who knew me.   The house was not hopping with joy.  It was dragging with defeat.  

But, this year, the bunnies are out and making mischief as usual.  Lol! They brighten my days, and I enjoy showing them to anyone who stops by for a visit.  The majority will stay out  through Spring.  Maybe some year I will have the presence of mind to count them all.   

Do you have a special collection that is unique to you?  Maybe you have a wonderful collection of musical instruments because of your love for playing music.  Are you an artist?   I imagine you would have brushes, pencils and paint that keep you busy.  Books, books, and more books would be stacked upon the shelves for those who are avid readers.    As a knitter, I also have a lovely supply of yarn and needles.   The list could be endless.   

It is important to take the time to breathe and step away from the crazy pace of society’s demands.   Let’s be more intentional about connecting with what grounds us.  I think we will feel more refreshed and renewed by the end of the day.  

Now it is time for “Spring cleaning” both around our homes as well in our hearts. 

Happy Spring, dear friends! 

And no, I have never owned a real bunny.  Ever.    

Bunnies in the dining room

Yep, my bunny bathroom 

Is it Spring...yet?

The season of Spring, according to the calendar, is upon us.  It technically arrived over a week ago, but here in New England, we are too busy experiencing nor’easters!  Yep.  This month of March has been crazy this year.  February was calmer.  Well, Mother Nature keeps us always on our toes. We aren’t the only ones shoveling snow and braving the cold temps. The entire east coast is having its share of Spring teasing. 

I personally enjoy the change of seasons because it helps me feel the rhythm of life, but by this time in March, I am SO ready for my capris and sandals and the freedom of not bundling up so darn much.  

The sacred season of Lent is coming to a close, and we are now in Holy Week.  No matter the weather fluctuations, God’s everlasting love and mercy for us never EVER changes.  To reflect upon Christ’s Passion and death prepares our minds and hearts for His glorious resurrection.  

From darkness, there will be Light.     

From the darkness of Winter, there comes Spring light and life. 

I will be returning to the world of social media once again after my respite during Lent.  I feel more refreshed and ready to connect both online as well as in person.   I hope I will offer less phone holding and more hand holding where possible.  

May all of you who do celebrate this most Holy Season of Easter be blessed in full. And may we all start seeing and feeling the warmth and light of Spring!   

Into the quiet

The penitential season of Lent is upon us.  These upcoming forty days are important for me to prepare for the Glorious Resurrection.  Each year I approach this sacred season with intent and purpose of deepening my relationship with Christ.   That being noted, I am going to fast from unnecessary social media.   I am choosing not to be involved with Facebook or Instagram.  I do not have a twitter account so that is easy.  Lol!   

 If you wish to contact me, please do so via email or texting my cell.  And yes, if you so desire to write me a letter, by all means do!   Hand written cards and notes are still beautiful to receive.  

Living with chronic M continually teaches me the value of quiet and simple.  The world says be louder, bigger, faster, consume more, and run to get to the top. I get weary trying to keep up with the world’s standards.  I am thankful that I no longer wish to do so.  God has given me that gift.  

 I wish to tune out and tone down this Lent.   

I desire to dig deeper into God’s Word as well as dig deeper into my prayer life.  

I will resume blogging after Easter.   

Wishing all of you a most blessed and grace-filled Lent.  

In need of Light

The “taking down of Christmas” (as people say) always depresses me. In our home, we leave the decorations up at least through Epihany, and I might even stretch that out a bit.  I feel the sacred season of Christmas is just getting started when the whole taking down part and wrapping up the manger scene, lights, and ornaments get packed into boxes and bins.  Now for the commercialization of the holiday, that seems like a different story.  The day after Halloween the stores display all the “holiday stuff” so that by December 26, I guess we all become weary of the tinsel and blow up plastic Santas and reindeer.  

I am not trying to be judgmental because everyone has their preference of displaying the season according to their belief system. However, for me, just mentally gearing up to “take down” special keepsakes gets a bit harder each year.  

One of my biggest losses that I feel is the loss of light. We string lights on our Christmas tree, display outside lights, and put candles in the windows.  This is wonderful here in New England where our Winter days are so short and one feels like going to bed at 7pm practically!  Lights help to set a smooth rhythm and flow to the dark Winter days and evenings.  It is also fun to notice as the days get a tad longer after the Winter Solstice and the sunsets grow even more beautiful.  

My body and soul crave light (even though I do wear dark sunglasses a lot for protection due to chronic M).  I love the twinking of the soft Christmas tree colored lights and the dimly lit (non smelly candles) on our mantle.   Sipping my morning coffee in the family room with just those lights on starts my day off on a positive and peaceful path. The glow is comforting as the natural light of daybreak peeks ever so sweetly in my windows.  

This year I am trying a slightly different approach.   I just couldn’t bare to strip everything down and pack it away, so with a twinkle in my eye, my hubby knew I was up to something. I suggested we bring in our white winter tree from outside and place it in the same spot as where our traditional Christmas tree was. I just added white lights and wrapped it in some colored garland.   It has more of a winter affect I guess.   Hopefully I will be ready by Easter to take it down only to put up Spring and Easter lights! Lol!  

The physical lights help keep my mood uplifted, but they also remind me daily of the Light of Christ who is our Savior of the world.  

I am in need of light.

I am in need of Light.