Creating space for a new story to emerge

Speaking from experience, I know firsthand what it is like to "make room" for a new story to unfold. It has been fourteen long years of living with the after effects of meningitis and shingles and ten of those years living with chronic migraine. Every year at this time my body remembers the physical and emotional pain of hospitalization along with its debilitating journey of daily struggling. It is my form of PTSD. This can be related to any kind of trauma our body holds tightly which can wax and wane over many years. It is nothing of which to be ashamed. It is what it is. 

The first six years of my illness I didn't really know how I was going to survive living with so many scary symptoms all the while trying multitudes of treatments and medications never knowing if any of them would really help. It was a very hard and dark season not only me but for my family. I thank the good Lord who provided MUCH support from family and friends and a headache specialist who cared about helping me get to a better place of management of migraine disease.

Here it is 13 years later, and I am excited to write a new chapter to my story. I do not wish to remain stuck in the difficult past dwelling on what was. It is not healthy physically or mentally. Making the physical move from CT to PA has been a positive start. I embrace the newness(yet familiar) because it offers a fresh start so to speak. It is a chance to turn in a new direction and walk into healing.

God has also provided me with another fantastic and kind headache specialist close to my home, and we are working together on a good treatment plan that keeps me functioning and enjoying much more than ever before. I am learning to "let go" of patterns of trigger fear so that I can fully embrace the joy of the moment.  Do I still take a variety of medications? Yes, for now. Am I tolerating the many side effects? Yes, for the most part. Do I still have to sometimes not participate in an event due to feeling too unwell? Yes, unfortunately so. This is acceptable. I am managing. 

The lesson I am learning is to allow myself to create space in my mind, body, and spirit to embrace my new story of healing. Little by little I am willing to be flexible and open to new opportunities by trying different treatments as well as trying new experiences and adventures that are placed in my path. Even though I experience flare ups and setbacks, I am now better able to respond in a more positive way instead of reinforcing old habits of doom and gloom. As I wrote in my book, Climbing My Matterhorn,  healing is not linear. There will be steps forward as well as backwards which is completely normal in any healing process no matter what the situation. More self awareness and self care directly influence my path forward instead of remaining stuck. Feeling stuck does not offer a full life. It offers a small, tenuous one. Decisions to grow do not happen all at once, but each day is a new opportunity to begin again.

May grace fall softly upon you today.

  

Wintering

In the Bleak Midwinter is a lovely poem written by the English poet Christina Rossetti and commonly performed as a Christmas Carol sung by many musical artists. I grew up in church singing this every year and came to love it. I encourage you to find it on YouTube and listen to it in its entirety. 

 "In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan,

  Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone;

  Snow had fallen, snow on snow,

  Snow on snow,

  In the bleak midwinter, long ago..."

I am wintering. My body, mind, and soul are preparing for the longer days ahead with gradual increases in light. I am tapping into quiet energy that will sustain me for the rest of January, February, and March before Spring arrives in 2024. 

After the hubbub of the holiday festivities and slowly recovering from the cooking, eating, and entertaining, my body is in need of REST. This year was so special hosting family and friends in our new home, and we all remained well and unscathed from the lurking viruses that are ever present around us.  

Currently I am choosing quiet activities of reading, writing, crocheting, and snuggling under my favorite blanket in order to reset my "slightly overstimulated" central nervous system. Winter evenings are sometimes spent with dear friends and neighbors sharing meaningful conversation and joy to lift our spirits which can easily find us in an occasional post holiday funk. These choices leave me feeling renewed and peaceful. Even when my head becomes cranky due to any number of triggers, I am tending to it carefully, and my body thanks me graciously for doing so.

I have experienced all four seasons here in PA which have seamlessly floated from one to the other.  WOW. It is hard to comprehend. It has been a very busy and exciting year of transition so slowing down my pace for the rest of winter is a needed intention. 

I offer you, my friends, to possibly take a look at how you might wish to "winter". Do you think your pace and activities might need another perspective for a few weeks or months? Can you observe the small, subtle lengthening of the days with the placement of light and shadows? How about the magnificent moonlight against the clear January sky? 

May you embrace grace in this new year no matter what journey (difficult or easy) lies ahead. God is with you always.