Upon reflection about my upbeat mood and general singing and dancing about the house on some days, I realize it is not ONLY the Winter weather that has me joyful. Nope, it is my ability to wake up and show up for my life once again. These past few weeks have been a most treasured break from the annoying, relentless and unwanted guest who constantly barges his way in to ruin my plans. I have told him on no uncertain terms to "get lost" and "stay lost"!!
Although my days are still carefully ordered by many limitations and my routine is quiet and simple, I am finding the ordinary to be quite extraordinary. Truly. The oppressive darkness of barely functioning most days with severe pain and feeling so groggy from the numerous meds has slowly been giving way to receiving and living in some light. Let me tell you, it is AMAZING.
The joy I feel while moving with greater ease, attending to house chores, cooking, baking, talking a little on the phone and holding conversations that MOSTLY make sense, is AMAZING. Feeling like my tiny, baby steps are actually moving me forward is nothing short of AMAZING, either. My body, mind, and spirit are being filled with a new energy and a new Light. I feel as though I am entering a new season even though my chronic illness remains.
My year of YES is taking off, and I am seeing the light ahead of me. I wish to become the best version of myself even while I traverse the stormy seas of my daily challenges. Although I grieve a lot for the old me in many ways, I am trying to be positive about discovering a new me! This year I do not want to focus on what I "can't do" but instead what I "can do". I know it sounds simple, but it isn't always easy to put into practice when I experience my difficult to manage days.
My dear friends, I want to offer you hope that through your struggles, you can live in the light if you keep searching for it. I promise. It just takes time and lots and lots of patience.
I cannot begin to even attempt this change of attitude on my own. It is only by the grace of God that sustains and strengthens me. This Holy and penitential season of Lent provides me the perfect opportunity to concentrate on living in and shining Christ's Light. I feel the Holy Spirit asking me to practice some laughter and levity as well as meditating on the way of the cross in preparation for Easter.
"The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." (John 1:5)