I find it takes me a great deal of mental energy, never mind the physical, to just put my feet on the floor some days especially after repeated nights of painsomnia and the like. Sometimes just mustering up the courage to start the day all over again knowing I will be very medicated and sick and barely functioning can take every ounce of emotional bravery. But then, I say my prayers, and I start to breathe in the light of the new day's grace, and I give thanks and begin again...not refreshed, but anew.
I put my little feet on the floor (possibly stumbling) and take JUST THE NEXT STEP. One step. Then I take another...and another...and another... Before I know it, I have changed positions, possibly rooms, maybe taken nourishment, at least maneuvered to my favorite brown couch, and made an attempt to embrace the day with all it has to offer in whatever state of health I find myself. I feel old, frail, lost, beaten down, sad, but taking the NEXT STEP moves me forward in some kind of positive direction and still gives me a sense of purpose and accomplishment no matter how small it may seem.
I can get easily overwhelmed with my daily "new normal" a lot. Yep---I feel out of control and defeated and frustrated when I only focus on the big picture. The thing is, I realize that focusing too far ahead with all of its unknowns and what if's just doesn't serve me well. Reflecting on taking just the NEXT STEP helps me realize how valuable staying in the present moment really is. Sitting in the moment after I have taken the next step offers time for me to see where I am, where I have been, and where I might like to go next. I don't always feel "comfortable" in that sitting, but that is okay. I am also learning it is okay to NOT be okay. All will pass eventually and time moves on. I will trust in the Lord in my sitting.
This week is the last week before Christmas. I absolutely LOVE this last week of Advent and its final period of waiting. It has the most meaning to my heart and soul. I plan to walk it out purposefully and carefully and prayerfully just taking the NEXT STEP and reflecting on the real meaning of the Incarnation.
Mary and Joseph traveled with much uncertainty and fatigue, I imagine, waiting to find a birthplace for our Savior only to keep being told there was no room in the Inn. They kept journeying one step at a time until they were blessed with a humble stable surrounded by animals and love in which Jesus could come down to earth into our sufferings and messes and redeem us. If the Holy Family can travel and TRUST by taking just the NEXT STEP in front of them, then so can I.