From botox to ashes

Preparing for a morning appointment at the headache clinic, I mentally and physically give myself a pep talk before my botox procedure.  I am used to all the needles by now( since this is 3 1/2 years and counting), but sometimes I wonder how long in the future I will have to keep receiving this treatment in addition to all my other medications and supplements.  I am a walking pharmacy, but I know I am in good company with many others, unfortunately. It is what it is for now, and I try to accept this journey with grace and gratitude. 

 My mind sometimes wonders if botox and/or my current meds will wear off all together and no longer be helpful.  I try and stay in my "positive zone," but sometimes I slip and allow a bit of fear and anxiety to have the stronger voice.  That worrisome voice can ride in the car with me, but I am in the driver's seat.  No bending this rule!

My appointment went well as did the procedure largely due to the fact that my headache specialist is so kind and gentle.  He puts me at ease and keeps me focused on my treatment regimen which is better than it has been in years.  I am honest with him about my feelings, and he LISTENS.  How grateful I am from the bottom of my heart for his care. 

While Michael and I were having a bite to eat before we headed home, we talked about having botox on Ash Wednesday.  I wanted to feel well enough to attend Mass later that evening to receive the Eucharist and ashes.  Sometimes I feel crummy and in pain following the procedure, so I wasn't sure if I would make it to church.  The thought came to me about receiving both botox and ashes and how they were signs of hope. Botox was my physical sign of hope given in the form of needles and medicine.  Ashes were a sign of hope offered to me to begin my spiritual discipline of Lent.  On one hand they seemed like an unlikely pair, but for my story, they were perfect. 

Michael and I shared some special time together like we always do on the days of my treatments and talked about our Lenten journeys both individually and as a couple.  Over hot coffee and a bite to eat, I remind him that he is my rock and strength. 

 My botox and ashes were a good way to begin this Holy Season of deeper prayer, gratitude, and penance.