Speaking from experience, I know firsthand what it is like to "make room" for a new story to unfold. It has been fourteen long years of living with the after effects of meningitis and shingles and ten of those years living with chronic migraine. Every year at this time my body remembers the physical and emotional pain of hospitalization along with its debilitating journey of daily struggling. It is my form of PTSD. This can be related to any kind of trauma our body holds tightly which can wax and wane over many years. It is nothing of which to be ashamed. It is what it is.
The first six years of my illness I didn't really know how I was going to survive living with so many scary symptoms all the while trying multitudes of treatments and medications never knowing if any of them would really help. It was a very hard and dark season not only me but for my family. I thank the good Lord who provided MUCH support from family and friends and a headache specialist who cared about helping me get to a better place of management of migraine disease.
Here it is 13 years later, and I am excited to write a new chapter to my story. I do not wish to remain stuck in the difficult past dwelling on what was. It is not healthy physically or mentally. Making the physical move from CT to PA has been a positive start. I embrace the newness(yet familiar) because it offers a fresh start so to speak. It is a chance to turn in a new direction and walk into healing.
God has also provided me with another fantastic and kind headache specialist close to my home, and we are working together on a good treatment plan that keeps me functioning and enjoying much more than ever before. I am learning to "let go" of patterns of trigger fear so that I can fully embrace the joy of the moment. Do I still take a variety of medications? Yes, for now. Am I tolerating the many side effects? Yes, for the most part. Do I still have to sometimes not participate in an event due to feeling too unwell? Yes, unfortunately so. This is acceptable. I am managing.
The lesson I am learning is to allow myself to create space in my mind, body, and spirit to embrace my new story of healing. Little by little I am willing to be flexible and open to new opportunities by trying different treatments as well as trying new experiences and adventures that are placed in my path. Even though I experience flare ups and setbacks, I am now better able to respond in a more positive way instead of reinforcing old habits of doom and gloom. As I wrote in my book, Climbing My Matterhorn, healing is not linear. There will be steps forward as well as backwards which is completely normal in any healing process no matter what the situation. More self awareness and self care directly influence my path forward instead of remaining stuck. Feeling stuck does not offer a full life. It offers a small, tenuous one. Decisions to grow do not happen all at once, but each day is a new opportunity to begin again.
May grace fall softly upon you today.
