If everyone would write their daily feelings and experiences during this time of crisis, each story would be full of details completely unique to them. Since I best process my life through writing, I am finding my journaling even more valuable than ever before. Getting my thoughts and feelings down on paper is helping me cope through this gigantic mess. Although I could share many personal highs and lows, I will offer one perspective for now.
A few weeks ago our family set off for sunny Southern California to visit our eldest son who now resides there. This was our first time touring the area in which we fully immersed ourselves even for the brief time there. Our plan was to stay two weeks and really get a good sense of all there was to see. Our son is an awesome tour guide, and he had our visit planned in details for months! Boy, did life change quickly within a few days upon arrival.
Personally for me, this was a HUGE deal to even be well enough to make a trip across country hopping on two planes and experiencing some time differences. Chronic M always tags along no matter what, but now I am in a better place of management. Since I have traveled a bit more this past year, I am gaining courage more and more even though some situations and days can be rough. My family knows how M can knock me down in a minute, so we adjusted our schedule to make it flexible enough to allow for rest in between sightseeing. I love my family for their patience.
However, this time our lovely visit was not cut short by the status of my health; no, it was derailed by a different monster----the COVID--19 virus. After enjoying our sightseeing activities for about four days, the news was beginning to scare us as we watched the virus grow to alarming numbers in Italy and then into the U.S. Our extended family members and friends were calling and texting us hoping we would start making plane arrangements to return home. We were kind of in our own little "happy place" trying to ignore the impending reality.
One activity we chose in addition to visiting the beaches and walking up and down the beautiful coast lines was to hop on some bicycles and ride. Now for most people that might not sound like a big deal, but for Michael and me, it was a big deal. We hadn't ridden bikes in YEARS. The boys thought it might be fun, but we thought "fun" might turn dangerous for us rather quickly. My balance and coordination are certainly not what they used to be for several reasons, but we wanted to go along with the gang. To make matters even more "fun", we decided to rent a tandem bicycle and go for it! We all never laughed so hard while trying to ride without crashing until we got the hang of it. The path along the beach was used for bicycles, walkers, runners, skateboarders, and strollers of all shapes and sizes. Mike and I thought for sure we would plow right into people or take down a little doggie oblivious to our craziness. It was a true miracle we did not. However, those two hours brought us joy and silly laughter which are sustaining us now during these bleak times.
The very next day we decided to catch early flights home and face the grave reality of the situation. This all seems too much to even comprehend some days. While we pray for healing and mourn with others who are enduring unspeakable grief, it is well for our soul to hold onto wonderful memories that lift our spirits, even for brief moments.
While we walk along this uncertain and scary path day in and day out with one another, let us hold onto hope that things will eventually turn around for the better. The Light will shine after the darkness. God never abandons us. He is always with us.
Remember, this is the time to be extra gentle with ourselves and others right now. People's emotions are all over the place, and we aren't here to fix or solve them. Emotions are what they are. Right or wrong has nothing to do with it. Being honest about what we feel will hopefully help others do the same.
In the days ahead, go through your photos and letters and cards and find some memories that make you smile and laugh. It will do you a world of good. Feeling good is allowed even in the midst of this grave crisis. It does not diminish someone else's suffering. Instead, it gives us a chance to share some lightheartedness with those around us as we blindly stumble along this stony path.
Praying for the end to this virus and SOON.
