As the fog lifts

Spring fog is both haunting and beautiful simultaneously.  As I sip coffee in the morning, my eyes behold the haziness of the landscape.   I can barely see the birds on the feeder pecking for food or the silly grey squirrels chasing one another around my yard.  The color of the tree buds are not quite clear yet. My sleepy eyes try to adjust to the grey fog in hopes that it will soon burn off and give way to some sun later on. 

Living near the water increases the chances of morning fog compared to that of living inland.  I have learned this over the years.  When I arise from my sleep to start the day, my mood is immediately affected when I see a heavy, grey fog blanketing the neighborhood.  It  appears drab and dreary.  Many times I become impatient with it because I desire to experience a bright, sunny morning with some sort of familiar clarity. 

I need to remind myself that Mother Nature takes her time.   She doesn’t rush in lifting her veil.  Slowly but surely the vanishing fog gives way to some vibrant Spring colors.  It is best for me to sit with the process and practice patience and not complain.   

I liken Mother Nature’s fog experience to that of my own personal one.  Chronic M is one continual cycle of up and down, in and out, light and dark.  As the relentless pain phase finally gives way to relief, my body immediately enters a fog phase, better known as the postdromal phase of M. Believe me, it can be just as debilitating as the pain only in a different way.  It feels much like a severe  hangover without the “fun” the night before.  

My brain fog takes over my entire body, not just my head.  I don’t see the world clearly.  My senses are off balance and I can only operate on one speed. SLOW.  I can’t always comprehend what others are saying.  My reading and writing skills diminish greatly.  I have memory gaps which can be really frustrating.  Plainly put, I feel like a total wack-a-doodle!!  

My entire body is SO exhausted from the attack.  It is a type of fatigue that is not really relieved by resting or napping.  It actually just has to wear off on its own.  This feels like it takes forever. When I wander around in my own “M fog”, it makes me feel as if I could jump out of my skin.  No matter how hard I try to push through or speed up the process, it just doesn’t work.  (And no, ten cups of coffee a day don’t help either!).    The more I push, the worse I feel.  Between the M hangover and all the meds I have to take during the attack, I feel as though there is a huge veil over me.  Crazy. 

However, I keep reminding myself that this too shall pass and once again I will return to the land of the living, but sometimes I totally lose patience. 

As I sit here on this foggy Spring morning writing this post, I am emerging from my own M  brain fog and starting to feel lighter and brighter. I sit with joy and gratitude.  I count my many blessings as well as the strength with which God continually provides me to walk this journey.  

In the truthful words of my mama, “Fog means sunshine is coming!”  I need reminding of this every now and then. 

My bunny birthday

My fifty something birthday is soon coming up, and instead of wearing flip flops, I will  more than likely be wearing warm socks and boots.   This year the arrival of Spring is taking its good ole’ time.    Up in New England, we have experienced snow in March and it is still not letting go in April.  It is reminding us that Mother Nature is in charge.  

The pure joy of seeing buds bloom while stepping outside to temps that don’t feel raw, damp and cold will be extra special. Guarded anticipation of actively seeing new life shoot up from the dark, brown earth is exciting.  It is like going on a treasure hunt and discovering the beauty of the continual life cycle of seasons.  No matter how long or harsh Winter was for all of us,  it is time to let go now.

Each year around Easter time, I unpack my large bunny collection and display my beautiful and plentiful bunnies all over the house—-both inside and out.  I love them, and I recall precious memories from where they came and from whom.  Each bunny has its own unique story, and if it were alive, I would sit and listen while it spoke to me. I never tire of meticulously unwrapping each bunny and finding a special place for it.  It takes way more time to set out this bunny collection than it does my Christmas decorations! 

  For fifty some years, family and friends have cared  enough to take the time to find “just the right one” for me.  How special and kind is that?  I am known as the bunny lady!  All in fun for sure.  I never pack away the entire collection, and there are always plenty that stay hopping around my house year round.  

I am one who is not really into collectibles per say, but this bunny collection started when I was born, and it just kept growing without my participation.   Every once in awhile I do add to it because I see one that I just “must have”!! Other than that, it is always such a fun surprise to open up a package and see the clever bunny chosen just for me.  As I receive with joy, I see the giver smile with joy as well.  

Life can bring us down every now and then, and it sure helps to have something significant at our disposal to lift our spirits.   When setting up my bunny collection this year, it came to mind just how cute and cheerful these bunnies are to me.   However, a few years ago I was so sick and weak and depressed that I didn’t even have the energy to display them.   Frankly, I didn’t care.   That was a huge red flag to anyone who knew me.   The house was not hopping with joy.  It was dragging with defeat.  

But, this year, the bunnies are out and making mischief as usual.  Lol! They brighten my days, and I enjoy showing them to anyone who stops by for a visit.  The majority will stay out  through Spring.  Maybe some year I will have the presence of mind to count them all.   

Do you have a special collection that is unique to you?  Maybe you have a wonderful collection of musical instruments because of your love for playing music.  Are you an artist?   I imagine you would have brushes, pencils and paint that keep you busy.  Books, books, and more books would be stacked upon the shelves for those who are avid readers.    As a knitter, I also have a lovely supply of yarn and needles.   The list could be endless.   

It is important to take the time to breathe and step away from the crazy pace of society’s demands.   Let’s be more intentional about connecting with what grounds us.  I think we will feel more refreshed and renewed by the end of the day.  

Now it is time for “Spring cleaning” both around our homes as well in our hearts. 

Happy Spring, dear friends! 

And no, I have never owned a real bunny.  Ever.    

Bunnies in the dining room

Yep, my bunny bathroom