Movement for an important cause

 Recently I participated in Miles for Migraine walk/run event for the purpose of raising awareness for migraine disease and the importance of funding research in this critical field.  This was my first time walking with this awesome group of migraine warriors.  Last year the events around the US were only held virtually due to the pandemic, of course.    

The morning was windy and chilly, so my husband and I bundled up in layers and soaked in the beauty of the Bushnell Park in Hartford, CT, where we joined our fellow comrades.  It was uplifting meeting others and hearing their stories of why they wanted to participate and where they are in their journey living with this disease.  Some of the MD headache fellows from my headache clinic gave their time to support our group by walking or running to raise money for research.  

I was not feeling particularly well that morning because I have been in a rough patch lately that has been lingering; the migraine monster has been VERY annoying.  However, showing up, walking with others, and feeling everyone's enthusiasm was encouraging and empowering.  It reminds me we are all on this path together, and when one person is down, hopefully, another one is up to balance the proverbial see-saw of this crazy existence.

I thank all of you who donated to Miles for Migraine this year.  I am hoping by raising awareness of this disabling disease more people will learn to participate in open and honest conversations with whom they know and love in order to better understand the real facts about living with this invisible, chronic illness.  

I will get you started.  These are facts from the American Migraine Foundation:

1) Migraine is not just a headache---a migraine attack includes a headache, but symptoms also include sensitivity to light and/or sound, nausea, depression, temporary loss of sight, visual disturbances, and more.

2) Migraine is a disabling neurological disease.  It is an inherited disease.  The genes that cause migraine makes the brain react more strongly to certain changes such as reduced sleep, changes in diet, or being dehydrated.  According to the WHO, it is in the top 7 most disabling diseases.

3) Together, we can reduce the stigma of migraine.  Migraine might be invisible, but the men, women, and children living with this disease every day are not.  It is time we all stand up and stand together to bring migraine out of the DARKNESS and into the LIGHT.

Since June is the official migraine and headache awareness month, I will post more about how myself and others navigate this wild and crazy roller coaster ride day in and day out.  It is truly by God's grace alone that I can move forward with hope and joy.

I Can See Clearly Now

 "I can see clearly now the rain has gone.  I can see all obstacles in my way..." are the familiar lyrics from the popular song by Johnny Nash.  For a few weeks, I have been singing this song quite a bit in my house.  Even my husband is starting to get annoyed.  You may have guessed, I recently had cataract surgery on both eyes at my ripe old age of soon to be 57.  I thought people in their 70's and beyond had this surgery.  Well, I never fall into the norm of things anyway.  

I knew my vision was worsening for a few years, but these past six months have proven to show a steady decline.  In our house when my husband and I watch TV shows on our rather "large" TV, he puts on the closed caption because he has annoying tinnitus which leaves him hard of hearing, and I couldn't even read the darn words because everything was blurry.  I was squinting and asking him to read the dialogue, and he was turning up the volume which became way toooo loud on commercials. What fun.   If this doesn't sound like the old folks home, I don't know what does.  

After another trip to my eye doctor, I basically couldn't read the first line below the big E clearly.  Ok, time for cataract surgery.  I must report that both procedures went smoothly, and the result is nothing short of a miracle.  My world is beautiful and bright, and now I only need "readers" to see up close.  After a trip to the local pharmacy, I am the proud owner of at least 5 different styles of readers and 2 sunglasses that actually look nice instead of the geeky huge "fit over" the glasses!  That shopping trip was the most fun I have had this entire pandemic!  Well, maybe that is a slight exaggeration.  I can even wear my clip on anti-migraine glare lenses over one of my readers for computer work.  Win win for sure!  Moral of this long story---do not hesitate to have cataract surgery done if you need it.  You won't be disappointed.  

My March Madness has not been one of watching basketball.  Instead I have had one procedure after another and lots of appointments and much coming to terms with my aging body on several different levels.  Mostly all the medical "stuff" has been worked out for which I am very grateful.  It has really left me extra tired on top of already being tired from chronic M.  As I said to my friend recently, I feel like my body and mind are constantly in a weird game of "whack-a-mole" that never really ends.  At one season or another in our lives, we are all bound to feel this way, I guess.  

This brings me to the end of March and ready to bunny hop into April as now I can see all of God's creation even more brightly than before.  I love the rebirth of Spring as I watch the the buds burst forth, hear the birds tweeting sweetly, and feel the warm sunshine on my face.  

This is Holy Week for those who celebrate the Easter Season.  We are slowly returning to church to partake of the sacraments and worship together.  What a feeling of fulfillment after a long, hard year to say the very least.  

Wishing all of you a glorious Easter celebration along with the beauty of Spring which always holds hope for better days ahead.  My husband and I are fully vaccinated now which feels pretty good, I must say.  I am exhaling now with greater ease...

Remember to take good care of yourself so you can offer your love and kindness to this hurting world.  Be well and safe, my friends.

Into my desert with joy and hope

It happened again.  I go about my usual business after the holidays with finding new routines and embarking upon fresh goals----even in this crazy pandemic year-----and then before I turn around right, here is Ash Wednesday! 

 Last year I did not attend church to receive ashes because of the pandemic scare.  My entire rhythm and flow of Lent were completely "off."  I did eventually get settled into my habits of prayer, fasting, and almsgiving, but to tell the truth, the looming fear of Covid took center stage in my heart and mind.  

Since this past year felt SO heavy in many ways, I have decided to enter this holy season with real Christ-like joy and hope.  I am not talking about the world's superficial offerings; they are short-lived.  Rather, I am easing into my desert by asking God to grace me with the courage to strip myself of any false narrative that may be hindering me from fully embracing His love.  

The other day I was filling up ALL of my pill boxes with a plethora of meds as well as supplements for chronic migraine. As much as I feel discouraged at times and frustrated at the amount of prescriptions I need to take just to "manage" my condition, I realize I am fortunate to be able to have them available as well as to afford them. 

If I take these necessary pills and shots and do so with a grateful attitude then I am joyful in my heart and spirit. It erases the negativity that is so easy to fall into such as the feeling of being "old" and sick. (My days feeling young and healthy are pretty much gone.) Letting go of "what if I get worse and the meds will stop working someday" is a fear I must release so I can remain hopeful. Experiencing certain flare ups with a very grouchy head and body requires a strong mindset that allows me time and time again to stay strong and ride the waves until I reach the calm seashore of which I eventually do. My attitude and perspective regarding all aspects of living with chronic migraine must be respected and honored as I walk forward day by day.  

Making my spiritual journey into Lent sometimes seems like a dark unknown, but I have forty days to walk towards the Light of the Resurrection.  Each year is a new experience filled with a holy expectation of God's love and mercy.  It is joyful.  It is hopeful.  It is peaceful.  

May your special time in the desert lead you to a place of renewed faith, joy, and hope especially knowing God will give you rest and calm for your weary souls.  

 @thegracealliance

Rising Again

Our much anticipated new year is upon us, and I venture to guess we are excited to jump in and experience the exciting new possibilities that await us.  However, I believe it is safe to say that maybe we came crawling into this new year with depleted energy on so many levels.  I certainly have.  

For me, surprisingly so, January slipped by in a blur and here it is February.  It has been nearly one year since we have been stuck in this heart wrenching  pandemic mode--- a living nightmare with our deep political divide and much social unrest. While vaccinations are available now and treatment plans are in place, fresh hope is surrounding our sorrowful souls.  Yet there is SO much work to be done.   I ask myself how may I best be part of the healing story?

Living with chronic migraine continually prepares me when life gets extra confusing and spicy.  I can honestly say that my adaptability and flexibility are easier to tap into because I rely on these two important traits to maneuver through many crazy, painful, and exhausting days.  

I stretch and open up my body physically, mentally, and spiritually knowing:

1---I cannot control my environment most of the time, but I can control how I respond to it.

2---I feel "all the feelings" even when they are uncomfortable.

3---I remind myself that I cannot predict how others will respond to my thoughts or actions.

4---I adjust my boundaries according to what my body feels it can handle day by day and even hour by hour.  My chronic migraine is extremely unpredictable and unreliable but "I" am not.  It is the disease that is.  

5---It is very important to create daily time for spiritual rituals like silence, meditation, and prayer to help me stay grounded.  Moving my body gently is so helpful such as in a yoga practice and or walking outside in the fresh air.  Living near the beach is a win win in my book!

6---I trust my tribe and confide my true feelings about how I am feeling day to day.

7---I enjoy reaching out to others in the community, especially online at the present, so I can continue my advocacy work which gives me purpose for my outreach mission.

8---Accept that some days I need to rest ALL day just to reset my tired body and feel refueled once again.  This important resting IS productive.  

9---It is perfectly acceptable to grieve when situations do not turn out the way I had hoped for them to.   Life moves on. 

10----Most importantly, I do my best to live with joyful gratitude for all of my blessings.

These tidbits not only help me to cope day to day but they also help me gain a perspective in coping with some of the larger life issues we still face at the present.  Maybe some of these insights might resonate with you.  I hope so.

I try and offer others heartfelt grace and then give myself some too.  New year, new opportunities to help one another in the healing process as our reality with separated physical contact continues.  In the words of author, Glennon Doyle, "we can do hard things."   Yes, we can!!

 

Waiting is so hard sometimes

Several years ago I wrote a blog post on waiting which happens to be the theme of the Advent season.  I thought it might be worthy of a second read but with some updated versions of my waiting.

One of the most obvious waiting practices this year for all of us has been that of trying daily to keep our patience with this prolonged pandemic.  As the number of cases of sickness and death grow, we wait for relief and healing.  Thankfully some good vaccines are now approved and people will hopefully wait in lines to get vaccinated.  This is a good waiting, I believe.

My heart waits to physically be united with my loved ones to fully embrace once again and not worry. This social distancing is getting really old, but it must be followed if we are to keep others safe as well as ourselves.  

My migraine journey has transformed over the few years, and I am most grateful for being able to live my life enjoying the present moment instead of constantly waiting for my body to cooperate. That particular waiting feels small and frustrating.  However, God sees my waiting, and He is alongside me in this process.

My active waiting has continued to teach me patience with myself as well as with circumstances beyond my control.  Less expecting.  More accepting.  

I believe we are all waiting to cross over into the new year with hope of some better times ahead.  We are exhausted from doing hard things.  But we keep going day after day with all the strength we can muster.  Maybe taking deep breaths while we wait is the most we can do for ourselves and our loved ones.  Let that be enough.

From my heart to yours, I wish you sincere joy and peace this Christmas season has to offer.  May you continue to stay safe and well as you await the beautiful Incarnation of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  

My reality several years ago looked like this:

Here we find ourselves in the beginning of the Advent Season.  For Christians, it is a special, liturgical season when we prepare our hearts for the Incarnation.  It is a most sacred time of interior reflection as well as practicing "waiting".

I don't know about you, but I am not especially gifted with patience and waiting under certain circumstances.  That being said, the more I pray for the opportunity to increase in virtue, the more the good Lord sees fit to answer my requests!  Ouch!  As "they" say, be careful what you pray for.  LOL.

My first week of Advent was mostly spent tethered to my couch or the bed trying to cope with yet another migraine marathon of epic proportion which unleashed its reign of terror on my body for days and nights on end.  Waiting was the only thing (besides begging and praying ) that I could actually do.  I sure had other plans for that first week---like decorating just a bit, looking up some fun cookie recipes, getting some organization to my Christmas lists, and preparing for an upcoming trip for the holidays to visit family, to name just a few.  But, no, my body and its illness had other plans.

So, my waiting began...
wait for the meds to work
wait for the time to take the next dose
wait to be able to open my eyes enough to see where I am going
wait for the passing of the many awful neurological symptoms to abate enough to even move
wait for my husband to come home from work to help me in my fragile state

and on and on the waiting went...  minutes seemed like hours and days were lost.

All the while I waited, I definitely prayed and prayed hard.  I actually did reflect a lot about Advent and how Mary must have felt as she waited those months and days before giving birth to our Savior and then waiting for a place to even labor and bring Jesus into this world.

My struggles are teaching me valuable lessons on waiting.  Waiting can be productive and redemptive if I allow it.  Waiting slows me down and teaches me to live with a more purposeful and intentional mindset.  While I do still pray for healing and certainly much better management of my current chronic condition,  I am always amazed at my ongoing transformation in the journey.

Even if you are not celebrating Christmas due to your own background and tradition, can you still find value in waiting through your own struggles?  Is waiting easy or hard for you?  Maybe helping someone else who might be having a hard time waiting for one reason or another right now would be a great gift to offer this time of year.  Any easing of suffering in the waiting, I can assure you, would be a most generous gift of the heart.

    I decided to call my new orchid  "Advent Orchid" as it started to 

    bloom while I waited.  It bloomed patiently and silently.

    I love learning from Mother Nature as well. 

Living well with our woundedness

                            "Nobody escapes being wounded.  We are all wounded 

                             people.  The main question is not how can we hide our

                             wounds, but how can we put our woundedness in service

                             of others?  When our wounds cease to be a source of shame,

                             and become a source of healing, we become wounded

                             healers."      H. Nouwen

Personally, my heart has experienced a fair amount of sadness, confusion, and loss these past several months.  My mind has been triggered into various degrees of "unsettledness" largely due to all the constant drama of the horrific pandemic and the even more horrific political arena.  Nonstop news noise screaming at me from many different directions has brought me to my knees seeking respite from my weariness.  Fervent continued prayer doesn't even seem enough.  

In addition to the obvious challenges of how our lives have changed, my heart has suffered loss of long time dear friends which pierces the core of my being.  Also, my heart is aching for a friend who just loss her young son in an accident.  Loss on top of loss this year does not seem to be slowing down one bit.  Making space for my grieving is necessary, and I am slowly and intentionally doing so.  The most healing my soul has experienced was attending an All Soul's church service where I could remember and honor my loved ones who have now gone before me while lighting a candle and saying goodbye.  

Not physically connecting with our loved ones in the manner of which we are accustomed feels "not right" on so many levels.  It is one thing to deal with that most uncomfortable situation for a few weeks or maybe a few months, but this virus is not diminishing, and our exhaustion from it continues.  I wonder how much longer we will have to travel this winding road with its many rocky pebbles and stones even after the vaccine gets distributed to people?  

I would venture to guess that most of us are carrying deep sorrow and woundedness which have possibly been wreaking havoc on our body, mind, and spirit since the beginning of 2020. Our struggling is real and difficult to even put into words at times.  Validating our feelings on a day to day basis is super important in order to cope when everything feels like a heavy burden.  Since we are all navigating the tumultuous seas but doing so in different boats, it would be good to learn to help one another as best we can.  On a positive note, I believe this year has taught us new ways of coping while realizing we are much stronger than we ever believed possible. 

Helping one another is what H. Nouwen meant when he said we can "put our woundedness in service to others."  Now more than ever, this should be practiced.  Join hands across the internet and give big air hugs with supportive texts and emails that encourage one another to keep the faith. Admit that life is really hard and confusing, but realize we are not alone in our suffering.  We are in good company for sure.  

My special woundedness that has been with me for years now is chronic migraine.  I know for me once I stopped being fearful, anxious, or ashamed of it, I learned how to become a wounded healer by listening and trying to help those who need guidance, courage, and direction with this debilitating disease. Letting others know they do not have to travel their journey alone offers solace and hope.  God has clearly laid this path before me for which I am grateful and humbled.     

The holidays are upon us and, boy, will they look and feel very foreign to us.  How might you reach out in your woundedness to help someone else feel encouraged and loved?  How can your creativity spread love and laughter to those in need?  How might the practice of your faith lead others to do the same?

May you all have a Thanksgiving filled with gratitude, joy, and love as you count your blessings even in this incredibly challenging year of 2020.  

This is my wish for you, my friends.

Creating a new mindset

 Early September ushers in the newness of Fall with crisp delightful air, soft breezes, and high puffy white clouds that could be pulled apart as if they were cotton candy.  In New England, leaves are drying early from the extreme heat from the Summer, so they are starting to fall from the trees.  I am not sure how much color the foliage will display this year.  It will be a wait and see game.  The slant of the sunlight is certainly noticeable.  By late afternoon, the shadows cast down in a different direction than those in the summer and even photos have an interesting light characteristic about them.

The brilliant, colorful sunsets are magnificent, but if one blinks twice while gazing, just like that, the color palette fades.  Evening walks are shortened if trying to catch the last bit of daylight.  It becomes necessary to change the time of our beach activities.  As I reluctantly say goodbye to Summer----so long flip flops and hello boots--- I adopt a new mindset to accept the beauty of Fall and all it has to offer.

Transitioning to a new season is upon us.  I love the freshness of tackling new projects and creating new goals, but I always allow for leeway in my case since I never know if my migraine body will become unruly or not.  I try to not become too frustrated if I lose days here or there, but in all honesty, I still get annoyed.  While I see others going all "gung ho" about their daily business and goals, I know this is an important time to adapt a new mindset of not comparing myself to those on social media feeds who are clearly not walking in my footsteps.

Change requires opening up to a new mindset no matter how small.  Sometimes just becoming more aware of others' life stories and listening to their perspectives can be a real opportunity for connecting, bonding, and understanding life from their point of view.   

At this present time of so many unknowns, divisions, pandemic fears, and social unrest in our nation, life is extra challenging now.  What seemed comfortable before, no longer is.  Perhaps adopting a healthy perspective of respect for one other is becoming more aware of our own interior landscape and taking a truthful look at how we respond to what is going on around us.  Easier said than done on some days.

Traveling with daily chronic migraine constantly teaches me to be open and flexible about my limitations and boundaries. My slow pace for everything becomes pure tedious many days.  For me, creating a new mindset to accept my new normal has taken me years, and I still need to keep that in check so I don't go down the dark bunny hole of frustration from pain and exhaustion.  

How are you looking forward to ushering in the new season of Autumn?  Will you be creating a new mindset of some sort or another?  Is there room for exploring a new perspective on an issue especially in light of our current state of events?  Will you give voice to something that might give courage for someone else to do the same?

And of course, on a lighter note, Fall would not be the same without picking apples, baking apple pies, drinking lots of pumpkin spiced lattes, and decorating with pumpkins.  Enjoy the goodness of this season and share your joy with others.  

Happy September!