New year. New Joy.

The gift of Joy.

"These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full."     
                     John 15:11

Jesus graciously offers His Joy to us.  We need only to actively receive it.  Joy is not necessarily feeling happy all the time. There are many moments and seasons in our lives that we may find it difficult to be in a happy place per say.  This probably is due to stressful circumstances.  However, we can still choose joy.  As we choose joy, we instinctively desire to offer it to others.

Personally, even in the midst of my most painful migraine flare-ups, I experience a profound sense of joy.  God blesses me with a beautiful support system of family and friends, and I never really feel totally alone.  I feel a peaceful joy when I allow my body to rest and ride the waves of the painful storm.   Joy is when my hubby kindly cares for my needs or when we can watch Dick Van Dyke reruns on the TV to distract me from the pain. Taking walks on the boardwalk in the evenings fills me with joy even while I may not physically feel well.  I may not go around with a big smile on my face or feel like laughing much, but there is joy residing in my heart.  That joy matters.  It matters because joy gives me hope and encouragement to keep walking my journey. 

Joy may be experiencing the splendor of a glorious sunrise or sunset as we take the time to notice its magnificent beauty. 

Joy may be offering kindness to a weary soul who could use some encouragement and maybe a hug.

Joy may be found in sharing some good news with someone special who wants to celebrate life's wonderful moments.

Joy may be found in simply sitting with another person during a difficult time and allowing that person to share his burdens while you remain quiet. This is an intimate and somber exchange of joy.

Joy may be found in sending  humorous texts and messages to those we love offering cheer and silliness to brighten their day.

Joy is being immersed while listening to a musical concert that brings you peace in the present moment.

Joy is being surrounded by your pet's love and attention and devotion to you.

Joy certainly may be found in witnessing a new, sweet life being born into the world which is a profound, sacred experience.

Joy is embracing the extraordinary in the ordinary of everyday.

Dear friends, let us think about how we can humbly accept the wonderful gift of Joy this year and then pass it forward to this world which seems to need it now more than ever.

Stepping into the new year with purpose

In reflecting upon the end of one year and moving into this new year, I wish to share my blog from the beginning of 2018.  I think it offers some good ideas about being purposeful in writing SOULutions instead of resolutions.   These ideas come from Ann Voskamp, a favorite author of mine, so I give her full credit.

This is the time of the year when most of us think about new year’s resolutions.  It becomes the topic of a lot of conversations as well as blog posts.  It seems as though many people have some wonderful ideas about their own resolutions that can provide deeper reflections about our own.  Each of us has our own special suggestions based upon our individual experiences over the past year.  Resolutions can be fun to share, but they can make us feel somewhat uncomfortable.  We can easily fall prey to the “comparison” game which is not very uplifting.  All of a sudden old man guilt appears and he sends us down a slippery slope of negative feelings with no happy ending.

For example, traditional resolutions can be full of expectations, that after awhile, we fall short of succeeding.  You know the drill—- Better eating, weight loss, younger looking body, getting more rest, less crazy work hours etc, etc, etc.  Resolutions tend to drain us of our energy in many ways and leave us feeling “less than”.     This isn’t helpful.  Expectations of others or those we make upon ourselves also send us down a negative slope of disappointment.   This doesn’t serve us well at all.  

So, I am going to offer another way of looking into the new year that is upon us.   As much as I would like to take credit for thinking of this I cannot.   However, it inspired me last year and worked out beautifully.  

My inspiration comes from one of my favorite Christian authors, Ann Voskamp.   She proposes a fresh outlook upon the resolutions idea.

She likes to use the key word “purpose” which seems to offer a different perspective.  She calls it “SOULutions”.

Her idea is to say

In the year ——- I purpose to... fill in the blanks.  

Embrace

Engage

Be

Believe

Break

Daily

Do 

Let go

Learn 

Live

Give

Grow

I put mine on a 5x7 card and framed it.  I refer to it frequently, and it can remind me of my thoughts and actions in reference to what I wrote. 

I feel these words guide us into more of a year’s journey and process more than having hard and fast rules of do’s and don’ts.   

Wishing you a very happy and healthy new year and may you live with gratitude and joy in your hearts.

The Grinch who 'SMELLED' Christmas

Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot...

But the Grinch who lived north of Whoville did not!

The Grinch hated Christmas! The whole Christmas Season! Now please don’t ask why,

But I think I may know the reason.

It could be his migraine head wasn’t screwed on right

And the pressure was often too tight! 

But I think the most likely reason to tell

May have been that he could not withstand 'that Christmas SMELL'!! 

Whatever the reason, his head or his nose,

He stood there on Christmas Eve 

Feeling all the Christmas woes.

Staring down from his cave with a sour Grinchy frown

He wished with his might he could feel welcomed in their town.

...the Grinch came up with an idea to smell Christmas without getting sick...

Maybe he would steal fun presents 

That noticeably reeked of wretched scents.

With all the Whos tucked in their beds,

Mr.Grinch and his sensitive nose

Hopped onto his sled,

Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings! The tags! And the tinsel!

He felt no gift should be smelly or too noisy or too bright

Because he wanted to enjoy Christmas without a migraine that night.

He rode with his load to the tip top to dump it!

“Pooh-pooh” to the Whos he was humming

Because there would be no toys for loud drumming!

“Their mouths will hang open a minute or two

Then I will hear crying and all the Boo Hoos!”

“That’s a noise i simply must hear”

So he paused, and the Grinch put his hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound rising over the snow

It started in low and then it started to grow.

There was no crying or shouting or stomping of feet

No, the sounds were joyful and gleefully sweet!

The Whos were happy without any presents at all

Because Christmas was coming once and for all! 

The Grinch hadn’t stopped Christmas from coming! It came! 

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

It came without ribbons! It came without tags!

It came without packages, boxes, or bags!

“Maybe Christmas,” he thought “doesn’t come from a store.”

“Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more!”

The Grinch’s heart softened and his migraine head became less tight

As he took his Aimovig shot and settled down for the night.

The Whos invited Mr Grinch because they knew he struggled a lot

And therefore needed their friendship filled with support on the spot.

They all then gathered ‘round the supper table to enjoy a feast,

And they allowed Mr Grinch to carve the organic, preservative-free roast beast!

Adapted from How the Grinch Stole Christmas 

By Dr.Seuss 

Letting go of daylight

As I sit looking out the window at the gorgeous leaves blowing everywhere on this truly blustery day, I am reminded that in a few short hours it will be time to turn the clocks back one full hour which will take us out of DST—-daylight savings time.  I will bid fairwelll to the longer, fun days 

of light and welcome in the longer days of darkness.    

I pause to catch my breath, close my eyes and inhale deeper and slower.   The cycle of the seasons again repeat themselves over and over.   I desire to hold onto Summer, but I still look forward to the eye catching beauty of Fall and all its splendor.  

The last of the leaves are blowing off the trees and creating a giant colored carpet on our lawn. It is beautiful.   Heading outside for a walk, the leaves crumble beneath my feet, and I can’t stop taking pictures on my cell phone.  I want to capture every last bit of color possible before the trees become bare as the starkness of Winter approaches.   

Nature will unfold as it always does in its proper time.  It is well to praise our Creator for His handiwork that He freely gives us for our pleasure and a gift of His love. 

Each season has so much beauty and joy wrapped up in it.  Let’s take time each day to look for the miracles especially when life seems hard to bear. 

Get some good rest with that extra hour and hopefully you will be ready to embrace the shorter days of sunlight.  

 My body likes the longer, quieter evenings because some days I feel exhausted from trying to tread water. I can tuck in early and read or write or—-yes, watch my favorite Hallmark movies!  Who doesn’t love that?!  Lol.    All is well. 

“Autumn is a second Spring when every leaf is a flower.”

                Albert Camus 

Summerfall

I discovered a new way to describe my favorite season.  It is Summerfall.  I am cheating, perhaps, because I don’t want to choose between the two.  Okay friends, don’t judge me here. They both give me pleasure while decorating, cooking, dressing, and enjoying numerous activities each has to offer.   I feel strongly connected to both at the moment. 

Summerfall is a kind of in between place.  While September and into early October tend to be mild and sunny weather (at least here in CT) , I take advantage of enjoying summer flowers in my window boxes, walking the boardwalk at the beach, wearing sandals while sporting a nice pedicure, and grilling meals outside yet.   I feel as though I have permission to stand a bit longer outside in the evenings and gaze at the night sky listening attentively to the peepers in the pond. 

For me, this was the first summer in eight years that slowly but surely I was able to tolerate increased activity with  chronic M.  I conquered more fears and headed out the door ready to face some special events that I wouldn’t have even attempted before this. I was determined not to constantly let M have the final say.   “He”rode in the car, but “he”was not in the driver’s seat! I was! 

As much as I love to bundle up in sweaters and hold a mug of hot coffee or tea, I hesitate to fully bring myself to embrace the next season because it does mean letting go of Summer. But ready or not, here it comes.    Just like that.   Residing in New England allows for all four distinct seasons to be observed which I like.  I couldn’t live somewhere where the majority of the year was really hot or cold.  Not for me.   But now I want to add a fifth season just for fun! 

Another reason I may be holding onto summer a bit tighter is because it bestowed physical and spiritual gifts which were unexpected and delightful. God surprised me with little miracles that only I could see and feel but were no less significant.   I have been holding these fragile gifts close to my heart. These gifts and miracles mark a Summer to remember, but just because Fall is almost here does not mean that these gifts and blessings will disappear.  Not at all.  I shall open my hands and heart to what beauty is yet to come.  

Instead of always thanking God for the miracles and gifts He already bestowed, I think I need to try and thank Him for the ones that are on the way.  The ones that I can’t see just yet.   It is with sincere humility that I do so. 

I will eventually turn in my flip flops for boots (and boy do I LOVE my boots!), dressing in layers, making everything pumpkin I can think of and decorating with lots of Fall color. Oh yes, picking apples too!

Slowly I am easing my way into the next season, but for now, Summerfall feels safe. 

Do you have a favorite season?  If  so, what makes it special? 

What kind of activities do you enjoy in the Fall? 

Do you have some special memories from the Summer that made you happy? 

Maybe you would like to  join me in experiencing Summerfall! 

A mountain vista

A long overdue get-a-way was how my hubby and I of thirty years spent our anniversary.   We could hardly believe this was the first, real small vacation we took that focused on just US.  All of our other times away involved kids and family or work commitments.   We would always get lost in the shuffle somehow and then return home and feel as though we didn’t actually focus on “couple time”. Let’s not forget traveling to visit special doctors and hospitals which totally put the yummy icing on the cake.  Geez...

We were blessed this time to visit friends whom we haven’t seen in many many years.   What a delightful treat!   We even took a day to make a special drive to peek at where I first lived after college and had my first nursing job.  From there, we ate lunch with dear friends and even saw our priest who married us.  He gave us a special blessing which will hopefully carry through for another thirty years!   The afternoon was spent with fond reminiscing and laughter.  Our hearts were definitely lifted up and filled with joy.  

Praying that my head and body would hold up through the next part of the trip, we continued down to VA to visit more friends whom we haven’t seen in years.   What an absolute delight.  We stayed at their bed and breakfast and were royally spoiled.  I wish to give a shout out to Windridge Manor near Lynchburg,VA.   Kelly and John Heckman are the owners, and they truly have an amazing place!  They focus on it being a wedding venue, but we were able to stay a few days as guests.   Oh.my.gosh.   The home and property are stunning.   

During our visit, I actually saw my husband RELAX.  Yep, you read it correctly—- RELAX.  He breathed in and exhaled slowly and purposefully for those few days.  Woo hoo!  We enjoyed a combination of sitting and rocking on their balcony as well as some sightseeing around the area.  The weather was extremely hot and humid so that limited our time outdoors.  No problem.  We sat ourselves down in their manor and just chatted.  We intentionally leaned into one another, listened, and shared life together.   How wonderful is that? 

Life slowed down a bit for those few days not only because we didn’t have a rushed agenda to fulfill but also because we could barely move after breakfast.  I am not kidding.  Kelly prepared a breakfast fit for a king and queen!  It was enough food to last us all day!  Unbelievable you all!  

Too funny and totally a “Kelly thing”!  

A real gift was my ability to take each day, check in with my head, and move forward with some plans whether they be sightseeing or taking it easy at the manor.  I believe my new medicine is slowly helping decrease some tough M attacks.  I am more able to abort them with the necessary meds and not be completely flat out in bed.  Praise God.  Gently stepping back into my life is refreshing to say the least. 

Michael and I talked about our thirty plus years together and we couldn’t believe how fast those years have flown by.  Unbelievable really.  We talked about the good, the not so good, and all the in between.   Most days consist of the messy middle and the normal in between. These past eight years of my illness have been a real difficult challenge to our marriage in many ways.  But—-we are better and stronger for it.  I guess God really does know what crosses we can bear only WITH Him. He placed the right people in our path to help us along the journey.   And He still does.   

September is a time for new beginnings and a new season.  Change is all around us. Some of it good and some may be more challenging which could be tough to navigate. It is not all sunshine and rainbows. I get that.  I really do.  Physically my body has a rough time with more painful days slipping into another season.  I will prepare as I can and then go with the flow.  We all realize that the hardships don’t get easier just because we transition from summer to fall.  Things take time to work themselves out.  Hopefully, day by day, some of our longings and desires will come to fruition.  

Michael and I are extremely grateful for our mini getaway. We love our anniversary being Labor Day weekend because it is in between Summer and the beginning of Fall.  It is the letting go as well as the receiving of new gifts and opportunities.  

Friends, I wish you a smooth transition from Summer to Fall, and I hope you are looking forward to new adventures and opportunities.   May the hot apple cider, pumpkin loafs, and the changing of leaves bring peace and calm to you.  

Time for another transition

A few days ago I found myself on a loud and crowded airplane traveling from CT to the University of Illinois at Urbana Champagne to help get our son settled to begin his new adventures in graduate school.  Just a few short months ago I traveled by plane to Austin,Texas for his college graduation!  WHERE HAS THE SUMMER GONE?!  I know I have asked myself this question as long as I can remember, but it truly seems as though my favorite season of Summer whirls by quicker and quicker every year.  My bare feet have barely spent time in the sand.  

Sitting on the plane traveling to the Midwest, I smile and breathe more peacefully because I feel more confident and less anxious about traveling this time.  I have had two past experiences of practicing the “M drill” and what that entails to survive my excursions.  Actually I don’t just want to SURVIVE them, I want to THRIVE in them.  

The biggest comfort this time was being able to enjoy the in flight TV which suited me perfectly.  I got to put on the head phones and watch my favorite Hallmark station, and I actually saw a movie I hadn’t seen before! Win Win!  This took up practically the entire flight time.   I was well medicated for my M and I felt like I was a bit in la la land anyway.  

The real challenge came when I had to navigate Chicago Ohare airport.  Unbelievable.  To say it is huge and busy and noisy is an understatement.   We had a four hour or so layover so that was a real picnic.  NOT.  While the shops were fun to browse and the eateries kind of fun, that all wore off quickly.   I was only amused for about an hour, and after that, I wanted to lie down for my nap and get quiet.  I would walk around, then sit, then stretch and back up to walk again.  Rinse and repeat for several hours.  I had a few good cups of coffee as well to keep going!  

People watching at an airport is quite the sport.  I usually wonder where they are going, from where they came, and what is their particular story.  Nowadays everyone is practically on their cell phones constantly and they barely look up to see where they are walking.  It is kind of dangerous, actually, in a busy place like an airport.    I kept my earplugs in and tried to block out at least some of the overbearing volume of all the sensory overload.  I kept grounded and focused on keeping my body and mind calm.  This time I was able to do so much better and easier than my trip in May.  I realized that I have been preparing myself well for how I have to manage and navigate traveling with chronic M.  

This experience of moving our son to another place so he can start his new adventures marks another momma transition.  He is the youngest of four sons, and I truly can’t grasp the reality of how he arrived so fast to this present moment and opportunity.  He has always been one determined and independent young child who grew up into one determined and independent young adult. He has a long road ahead of him with his program.  God bless him. 

Our home this summer has been full of life, crazy chaos, joy and laughter, and difficult messes as well.  Every time I try and “prepare” for the next transition, I realize I am left floundering and unable.  The transition just happens, and the key to coping is just going with it and adapting as best as possible.  This is a valuable lesson I have learned living with chronic illness.  By accepting what is and not fighting against it all the time, I allow space for the adapting and adjusting.   As the tides grow bigger and scarier, I learn to adjust my sails and continue on.