Waiting is so hard sometimes

Several years ago I wrote a blog post on waiting which happens to be the theme of the Advent season.  I thought it might be worthy of a second read but with some updated versions of my waiting.

One of the most obvious waiting practices this year for all of us has been that of trying daily to keep our patience with this prolonged pandemic.  As the number of cases of sickness and death grow, we wait for relief and healing.  Thankfully some good vaccines are now approved and people will hopefully wait in lines to get vaccinated.  This is a good waiting, I believe.

My heart waits to physically be united with my loved ones to fully embrace once again and not worry. This social distancing is getting really old, but it must be followed if we are to keep others safe as well as ourselves.  

My migraine journey has transformed over the few years, and I am most grateful for being able to live my life enjoying the present moment instead of constantly waiting for my body to cooperate. That particular waiting feels small and frustrating.  However, God sees my waiting, and He is alongside me in this process.

My active waiting has continued to teach me patience with myself as well as with circumstances beyond my control.  Less expecting.  More accepting.  

I believe we are all waiting to cross over into the new year with hope of some better times ahead.  We are exhausted from doing hard things.  But we keep going day after day with all the strength we can muster.  Maybe taking deep breaths while we wait is the most we can do for ourselves and our loved ones.  Let that be enough.

From my heart to yours, I wish you sincere joy and peace this Christmas season has to offer.  May you continue to stay safe and well as you await the beautiful Incarnation of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  

My reality several years ago looked like this:

Here we find ourselves in the beginning of the Advent Season.  For Christians, it is a special, liturgical season when we prepare our hearts for the Incarnation.  It is a most sacred time of interior reflection as well as practicing "waiting".

I don't know about you, but I am not especially gifted with patience and waiting under certain circumstances.  That being said, the more I pray for the opportunity to increase in virtue, the more the good Lord sees fit to answer my requests!  Ouch!  As "they" say, be careful what you pray for.  LOL.

My first week of Advent was mostly spent tethered to my couch or the bed trying to cope with yet another migraine marathon of epic proportion which unleashed its reign of terror on my body for days and nights on end.  Waiting was the only thing (besides begging and praying ) that I could actually do.  I sure had other plans for that first week---like decorating just a bit, looking up some fun cookie recipes, getting some organization to my Christmas lists, and preparing for an upcoming trip for the holidays to visit family, to name just a few.  But, no, my body and its illness had other plans.

So, my waiting began...
wait for the meds to work
wait for the time to take the next dose
wait to be able to open my eyes enough to see where I am going
wait for the passing of the many awful neurological symptoms to abate enough to even move
wait for my husband to come home from work to help me in my fragile state

and on and on the waiting went...  minutes seemed like hours and days were lost.

All the while I waited, I definitely prayed and prayed hard.  I actually did reflect a lot about Advent and how Mary must have felt as she waited those months and days before giving birth to our Savior and then waiting for a place to even labor and bring Jesus into this world.

My struggles are teaching me valuable lessons on waiting.  Waiting can be productive and redemptive if I allow it.  Waiting slows me down and teaches me to live with a more purposeful and intentional mindset.  While I do still pray for healing and certainly much better management of my current chronic condition,  I am always amazed at my ongoing transformation in the journey.

Even if you are not celebrating Christmas due to your own background and tradition, can you still find value in waiting through your own struggles?  Is waiting easy or hard for you?  Maybe helping someone else who might be having a hard time waiting for one reason or another right now would be a great gift to offer this time of year.  Any easing of suffering in the waiting, I can assure you, would be a most generous gift of the heart.

    I decided to call my new orchid  "Advent Orchid" as it started to 

    bloom while I waited.  It bloomed patiently and silently.

    I love learning from Mother Nature as well. 

Living well with our woundedness

                            "Nobody escapes being wounded.  We are all wounded 

                             people.  The main question is not how can we hide our

                             wounds, but how can we put our woundedness in service

                             of others?  When our wounds cease to be a source of shame,

                             and become a source of healing, we become wounded

                             healers."      H. Nouwen

Personally, my heart has experienced a fair amount of sadness, confusion, and loss these past several months.  My mind has been triggered into various degrees of "unsettledness" largely due to all the constant drama of the horrific pandemic and the even more horrific political arena.  Nonstop news noise screaming at me from many different directions has brought me to my knees seeking respite from my weariness.  Fervent continued prayer doesn't even seem enough.  

In addition to the obvious challenges of how our lives have changed, my heart has suffered loss of long time dear friends which pierces the core of my being.  Also, my heart is aching for a friend who just loss her young son in an accident.  Loss on top of loss this year does not seem to be slowing down one bit.  Making space for my grieving is necessary, and I am slowly and intentionally doing so.  The most healing my soul has experienced was attending an All Soul's church service where I could remember and honor my loved ones who have now gone before me while lighting a candle and saying goodbye.  

Not physically connecting with our loved ones in the manner of which we are accustomed feels "not right" on so many levels.  It is one thing to deal with that most uncomfortable situation for a few weeks or maybe a few months, but this virus is not diminishing, and our exhaustion from it continues.  I wonder how much longer we will have to travel this winding road with its many rocky pebbles and stones even after the vaccine gets distributed to people?  

I would venture to guess that most of us are carrying deep sorrow and woundedness which have possibly been wreaking havoc on our body, mind, and spirit since the beginning of 2020. Our struggling is real and difficult to even put into words at times.  Validating our feelings on a day to day basis is super important in order to cope when everything feels like a heavy burden.  Since we are all navigating the tumultuous seas but doing so in different boats, it would be good to learn to help one another as best we can.  On a positive note, I believe this year has taught us new ways of coping while realizing we are much stronger than we ever believed possible. 

Helping one another is what H. Nouwen meant when he said we can "put our woundedness in service to others."  Now more than ever, this should be practiced.  Join hands across the internet and give big air hugs with supportive texts and emails that encourage one another to keep the faith. Admit that life is really hard and confusing, but realize we are not alone in our suffering.  We are in good company for sure.  

My special woundedness that has been with me for years now is chronic migraine.  I know for me once I stopped being fearful, anxious, or ashamed of it, I learned how to become a wounded healer by listening and trying to help those who need guidance, courage, and direction with this debilitating disease. Letting others know they do not have to travel their journey alone offers solace and hope.  God has clearly laid this path before me for which I am grateful and humbled.     

The holidays are upon us and, boy, will they look and feel very foreign to us.  How might you reach out in your woundedness to help someone else feel encouraged and loved?  How can your creativity spread love and laughter to those in need?  How might the practice of your faith lead others to do the same?

May you all have a Thanksgiving filled with gratitude, joy, and love as you count your blessings even in this incredibly challenging year of 2020.  

This is my wish for you, my friends.

Creating a new mindset

 Early September ushers in the newness of Fall with crisp delightful air, soft breezes, and high puffy white clouds that could be pulled apart as if they were cotton candy.  In New England, leaves are drying early from the extreme heat from the Summer, so they are starting to fall from the trees.  I am not sure how much color the foliage will display this year.  It will be a wait and see game.  The slant of the sunlight is certainly noticeable.  By late afternoon, the shadows cast down in a different direction than those in the summer and even photos have an interesting light characteristic about them.

The brilliant, colorful sunsets are magnificent, but if one blinks twice while gazing, just like that, the color palette fades.  Evening walks are shortened if trying to catch the last bit of daylight.  It becomes necessary to change the time of our beach activities.  As I reluctantly say goodbye to Summer----so long flip flops and hello boots--- I adopt a new mindset to accept the beauty of Fall and all it has to offer.

Transitioning to a new season is upon us.  I love the freshness of tackling new projects and creating new goals, but I always allow for leeway in my case since I never know if my migraine body will become unruly or not.  I try to not become too frustrated if I lose days here or there, but in all honesty, I still get annoyed.  While I see others going all "gung ho" about their daily business and goals, I know this is an important time to adapt a new mindset of not comparing myself to those on social media feeds who are clearly not walking in my footsteps.

Change requires opening up to a new mindset no matter how small.  Sometimes just becoming more aware of others' life stories and listening to their perspectives can be a real opportunity for connecting, bonding, and understanding life from their point of view.   

At this present time of so many unknowns, divisions, pandemic fears, and social unrest in our nation, life is extra challenging now.  What seemed comfortable before, no longer is.  Perhaps adopting a healthy perspective of respect for one other is becoming more aware of our own interior landscape and taking a truthful look at how we respond to what is going on around us.  Easier said than done on some days.

Traveling with daily chronic migraine constantly teaches me to be open and flexible about my limitations and boundaries. My slow pace for everything becomes pure tedious many days.  For me, creating a new mindset to accept my new normal has taken me years, and I still need to keep that in check so I don't go down the dark bunny hole of frustration from pain and exhaustion.  

How are you looking forward to ushering in the new season of Autumn?  Will you be creating a new mindset of some sort or another?  Is there room for exploring a new perspective on an issue especially in light of our current state of events?  Will you give voice to something that might give courage for someone else to do the same?

And of course, on a lighter note, Fall would not be the same without picking apples, baking apple pies, drinking lots of pumpkin spiced lattes, and decorating with pumpkins.  Enjoy the goodness of this season and share your joy with others.  

Happy September!

Everything seems upside down and inside out

We have been enduring this COVID epidemic since March, and we are now almost to the end of July, but who is counting?  Right? As things stand now, our endurance is certainly calling for more patience.  However,  patience is running thin in most of us.  Truth be told, simple kindness and respect are running thin as well. 

For me, the world seems to be upside down and inside out on so many levels. I find reality hard to grasp.  There is heavy tension and unrest which feed negative energy  throughout the air we breathe.  People are becoming completely unhinged at their seams.  It is frightening. 

Certain social justice issues must be addressed and conversations WITH one another must be brought to the table.  We all need to learn to step into each other's shoes for a bit and see things from their perspective.  Let us challenge ourselves to step out of our comfort zone and really listen to one another more intently and without judgement.  Talk less and listen more.

The isolation from our loved ones is wearing thin and emotionally draining.  Our hearts are breaking, and it is taking a toll on all of us.   May we keep reaching out to our dear ones in special ways by offering love and support the best we know how.  We will all be better for it.

                                 
                                 Poem for a pandemic   by John Mark Green

"Our carefully crafted illusion of predictable security
    destroyed by a simple virus.
We watch as the well-oiled gear of our elaborate world machine
     grinds to a shuddering-halt.
An invisible enemy illuminates hidden lines of out interdependence.
Eerie silence prowls empty streets.
Enforced isolation teaching us just how much we need each other."

                                                        

                                                        

                                                             

Walking forward with HOPE

What do "fashionable" dark shades, the color purple, baseball cap, and loads of medicines and devices have in common, you ask?  The answer is easy----they all fit the description of a chronic migraineur.   These special tools for our toolkit help us manage on a day to day basis to keep afloat in the perilous waters of chronic migraine.

Since June is Migraine Awareness month, my hope is to shed more light on this disease not just for June but all year around.  For me, it is important to be a committed advocate in helping other migraine warriors so they don't feel alone walking their journeys.  I know first hand that belonging to several migraine communities provides me a sense of support and comfort.  We all share a common disease but our treatments vary from one person to the next, so it is helpful to share our stories with one another and voice our frustrations, disappointments, and successes.

Fortunately, in the past few years, researchers have been able to produce and market new drugs especially targeted for migraine which are now in use by
patients.  This is especially exciting news because many of the standard medications already approved for years are not exactly targeted for migraine.  They are really needed for other conditions.  We, migraineurs, get the left-over-hope-it-works medications.   This is so frustrating.

A few examples of the class of new medication is called the CGRP inhibitors which are used to prevent and treat migraine pain.  This medication blocks a protein which may cause inflammation and pain in the nervous system of chronic migraineurs.  Currently, there are four medications which are now in use, and they are: Ajovy, Ubrelvy, Aimovig, and Emgality.

   I personally take Aimovig and have been on it nearly two years.   It is a self injection once a month. I can happily report that it dials down my pain and other symptoms while reducing the overall number of serious attacks a month.  Bottom line---I function better.
The injection is easy.  I do experience significant side effects along with my conglomeration of other side effects from my other medications, but I am getting used to managing those symptoms as best I can.  There is always a sacrifice and a trade off somewhere.

In addition to traditional medications, there are also a few noninvasive  neuromodulation devices that are now approved for use that are safe with no side effects really.
These devices are advanced medical tools that can enhance the activity of the nervous system which, as research has discovered, may be effective in reducing migraine attacks as well as cluster headaches.  There are four currently in use which patients can decide with their doctor which ones to try.
The devices are:gammaCore/electrocore, sTMSMini/eNeura,Cefaly, and Nerivio Migra/Theranica.

 I personally tried the Cefaly several years ago and did not find it effective for me.  That device I wore on my forehead nightly as to prevent attacks.  I felt like a space alien.  The things we do for relief!   I currently am giving the Nerivio device a try but am not too impressed thus far.  The jury is still out for me.

My special toolkit involves: daily preventive medications taken all throughout the day to reduce the frequency and severity of attacks; rescue meds that I take at the onset of an attack to try and abort it from taking me to the point of no return;
vitamins and supplements like Vitamin B2, magnesium, calcium, and Vitamin D.  I have tried other natural supplements over the years and those alone were not helpful one bit. 

I go nowhere without lots of water, snacks, sunglasses, Vicks for blocking annoying smells and rubbing it on my temples to ease pain.  Peppermint oil is soothing, and I put it on my wrists to squash smells. It is so refreshing.  Peppermint is my new perfume.  LOL.  Earplugs come in handy in the most unexpected places.  Baseball caps with good brims are a must all year around. My big sunglasses are a must, and I freak out if I can't find them or forget them accidentally.   Last but not least, I wear lots of purple since it is the color of migraine awareness.  It wouldn't be June if I did not streak my hair purple.  It is a great conversation starter for awareness.   Glad it happens to be my favorite color!

I share these details with you, friends, to be transparent about the complicated nature of this disease.   It is so much more than a headache.  It affects so many parts of the nervous system.  Vertigo, slurred speech, foggy brain, auras, extreme exhaustion, mood changes, photophobia, nausea, vomiting, and so much more.
Unfortunately, children are prone to migraine and headache disorders as well as adults and often do not  get a proper diagnosis for years.

According to the American Migraine Foundation, "Out of the 37 million Americans living with migraine, no two patients are exactly alike."  This is why standard treatment does not work.  Each individual needs a tailored treatment plan just for them.  This is not an easy task.  This is why it is so important to advocate for ourselves as well as others who may be unable to do so because they are too disabled and lost in a sea of confusion and crashing waves.  I know because I was there years ago.  I barely thought I was going to survive the many harsh days of dreadful pain and depression.  It was dark season for me.   This is why I desire to help anyone I can by providing information and direction.  There is HOPE.  Always.

If you have stuck with me reading my rather long blog, I thank you.  I am fully aware there are pressing issues in the spotlight today with COVID 19 and raising awareness for social justice. I respect these issues immensely.  However, they do not diminish our struggles for figuring out a better way to lead a healthier life with chronic migraine.

If you or someone you know suffers with a headache or migraine disorder, please reach out to them and offer help.  Maybe even a ride to the doctor office or dropping off a meal or just lending a listening ear could do wonders.  The biggest thing NOT to do is offer some crazy "cure all" that Aunt Susie Q tried and she is now cured.  UGH.  There is no cure.  Only management for now.  Much more funding for research is needed.  According to the American Migraine Foundation, "Fewer than 5% of those living with chronic migraine have been seen by a healthcare provider, received an accurate diagnosis and obtained appropriate care.  Migraine is under-recognized, under-diagnosed, and under-treated."

On June 21, the Summer solstice, the migraine community is asking everyone to wear their dark shades in solidarity with the migraine world.  This is to promote awareness of this disease that affects over 1 billion people worldwide.  Please show the world that you care and support our campaign  by posting a photo to social media with the #ShadesForMigraine.  This means a lot.  Thank you!
May you experience a safe and joyful Summer.

It's been awhile

We are still in the midst of this crazy long and scary pandemic which is forcing us to still stay within relatively safe boundaries for the sake of everyone's health.
This is not easy and because we feel out of control as to pinpoint when this will be over, the waiting game continues.

I wrote about this pandemic right from the start when most of life was beginning to feel like everything was being turned upside down and inside out.  The weeks that have followed I have chosen to be quiet on my blog.  I have been processing all of this in my own way, and most of my writing I am keeping private for now.  Maybe at a later date after my heart and mind have come to terms with some issues, I will share.

The quiet days are not a burden for me as I have other projects which are beckoning my attention.  It has been cathartic to dig into some of them because they has given me an additional focus.  And yes, I am hooked into some Netflix series just like the rest of you!! Do not judge.  LOL.

 I am so grateful for steady health at the moment as well as that of my family.  Praise God.  Like most families, we are learning to adapt to new ways of communicating and connecting.  The ordinary becomes extraordinary even through FaceTime and zoom! Another thing for which to be thankful.

Slowly but surely some stricter limitations and boundaries are being lifted, and life is starting to get back on track in the tiniest of ways.  All good signs of hope and strength.  Someday we will soon touch and hug our loved ones without fear and experience profound joy once again.

Recently on my beach walks I discovered some precious message rocks filled with a simple direction, wisdom, and hope.   I always feel so uplifted when these treasures appear out of nowhere.  So many gifts and little miracles appear around us if we only take time to see them.

 Friends, may our God of Hope bless you on your healing journey through this time of trial. Also, may we all hold each other tighter in our minds and hearts and prayers while we reach out to those who may be extra vulnerable and lonely due to their own personal circumstances at this time.

A New Normal for Now

A few years ago when I was diagnosed with chronic M, I was introduced to these important and life giving words----A New Normal for Now.  My kind and compassionate cranial sacral therapist, Cheryl, whispered them gently to my weary and anxious face.  She continued to explain to me that life with a chronic illness would be more easily managed and lived well IF I accepted my existence with a different perspective.  At first I did not fully comprehend the positive meaning of those words.  I was so hurt and angry and frustrated that anything positive was not really on my radar screen.  "Accept a new normal?"  Well, that did take awhile to say the least. Believe me, it did not happen overnight.

Over months and years, I have done so.  The energy I put into wishing and hoping that my old existence and fun life would return to the way it was, had to be refocused into something else.  A transformed life of hope, purpose, and happiness slowly started to take root.  My anxiety and anger which wore me down day in and day out were carefully placed into their proper places.  I did not put those feelings aside totally because that would have been to deny myself they weren't really there in the first place. Denial is not healthy for healing.  Eventually, blossoms with beautiful fruit gradually stomped out the prickly thorns of  despair and darkness, which for me, was embracing a new normal.

Fast forward to 2020, and we, as a nation, are facing a deep and grave traumatic new way of living due to this COVID--19 virus.  These times are unprecedented, and we are all stumbling our way day to day and moment to moment.  The reality of the situation is this-----life the way we knew it is no longer.  It can't be.  Even if the virus is eradicated and wonderful miracles help heal us all, too much grief and trauma have settled into our souls and bodies.  I dare say we feel vulnerable beyond belief now. The fragility of life is always a given, but now it seems to be felt more desperately than ever before. How sad it is that we can't reach out and touch people whom we love.  No hugs or holding hands at a time we especially need one another's touch.  Thankfully, technology is keeping us connected via social media and internet support, but technology is no replacement for real life connection.  That is a no brainer. 

Since I have learned and put into practice living a "new normal, " I invite you to think about doing the same in some manner.   The world changed its practices and habits after 9/11, and this current pandemic will cause us to do the same.  It is amazing how resilient our minds, bodies, and souls can be especially in times of great stress.  Shifting our focus off of ourselves and onto others' needs gives us a purpose to get out of bed in the morning and try to lift someone else up during these difficult times.   The news frequently posts inspiring stories of how people are bringing joy to others in the midst of total chaos.  It is worthy to be aware of those stories and events while backing off of the grim news in order to give our souls a bit of a breather.

I am grateful over the past few years that chronic M has taught me a great deal on how "to be" in addition on how to be flexible and adaptable when choosing my "to do " activities.  Stay home and stay safe is not really too difficult for me.  I am not stressed as others are because I have had lots of practice. LOTS. (lol.) Carrying the same philosophy going forward, I know it is the best not only for me but for ALL of us, so this is good. Listening and following sound medical advice plus using our own common sense are practical and necessary right now.  Keeping our social distance is awkward and downright contrary to how humans like to live and communicate, but certain habits must be embraced for awhile.   In time, we will all be moving to another song and dance, and we will find our flow and rhythm once again.

In what areas might you rethink some of your old habits and possibly adapt to new ones?  Are you willing to become more flexible in one area of your thinking?  Would responding positively instead of reacting negatively in some areas and or situations help you slowly accept this new normal for now?


It is always best to live with great gratitude in our hearts because we are not ultimately in control of life's circumstances.  We are only in control of how we respond to those circumstances.  This is not a new philosophy, and it might seem a bit overused, but truth is truth.  I thank God everyday I can choose to live in gratitude.   I pray you can do the same.

Many heartfelt prayers to all of you, my friends, for safety and health during this pandemic, and may the grace of this Easter Season comfort your souls.

A bicycle built for two

Looking back at my blog entries I notice that my last post was several weeks ago at the beginning of Lent.  In some aspects, this Lenten season has gone by rather quickly, but now with this pandemic looming over us, the time dimension has changed drastically.  The days may feel long since most of our routines are taking on a new rhythm and flow which feel awkward at best.

If everyone would write their daily feelings and experiences during this time of crisis, each story would be full of details completely unique to them.  Since I best process my life through writing, I am finding my journaling even more valuable than ever before.  Getting my thoughts and feelings down on paper is helping me cope through this gigantic mess.  Although I could share many personal highs and lows, I will offer one perspective for now.

A few weeks ago our family set off for sunny Southern California to visit our eldest son who now resides there.  This was our first time touring the area in which we fully immersed ourselves even for the brief time there.  Our plan was to stay two weeks and really get a good sense of all there was to see.  Our son is an awesome tour guide, and he had our visit planned in details for months!  Boy, did life change quickly within a few days upon arrival.

Personally for me, this was a HUGE deal to even be well enough to make a trip across country hopping on two planes and experiencing some time differences.  Chronic M always tags along no matter what, but now I am in a better place of management.  Since I have traveled a bit more this past year, I am gaining courage more and more even though some situations and days can be rough.  My family knows how M can knock me down in a minute, so we adjusted our schedule to make it flexible enough to allow for rest in between sightseeing.  I love my family for their patience.

However, this time our lovely visit was not cut short by the status of my health; no, it was derailed by a different monster----the COVID--19 virus.  After enjoying our sightseeing activities for about four days, the news was beginning to scare us as we watched the virus grow to alarming numbers in Italy and then into the U.S.  Our extended family members and friends were calling and texting us hoping we would start making plane arrangements to return home.  We were kind of in our own little "happy place" trying to ignore the impending reality.

One activity we chose in addition to visiting the beaches and walking up and down the beautiful coast lines was to hop on some bicycles and ride.  Now for most people that might not sound like a big deal, but for Michael and me, it was a big deal.  We hadn't ridden bikes in YEARS.  The boys thought it might be fun, but we thought "fun" might turn dangerous for us rather quickly.  My balance and coordination are certainly not what they used to be for several reasons, but we wanted to go along with the gang.  To make matters even more "fun", we decided to rent a tandem bicycle and go for it! We all never laughed so hard while trying to ride without crashing until we got the hang of it.  The path along the beach was used for bicycles, walkers, runners, skateboarders, and strollers of all shapes and sizes.    Mike and I thought for sure we would plow right into people or take down a little doggie oblivious to our craziness.  It was a true miracle we did not.  However, those two hours brought us joy and silly laughter which are sustaining us now during these bleak times. 

The very next day we decided to catch early flights home and face the grave reality of the situation.  This all seems too much to even comprehend some days.  While we pray for healing and mourn with others who are enduring unspeakable grief, it is well for our soul to hold onto wonderful memories that lift our spirits, even for brief moments. 

While we walk along this uncertain and scary path day in and day out with one another, let us hold onto hope that things will eventually turn around for the better.  The Light will shine after the darkness.  God never abandons us.  He is always with us. 

Remember, this is the time to be extra gentle with ourselves and others right now.  People's emotions are all over the place, and we aren't here to fix or solve them.  Emotions are what they are.  Right or wrong has nothing to do with it.  Being honest about what we feel will hopefully help others do the same. 

In the days ahead, go through your photos and letters and cards and find some memories that make you smile and laugh.  It will do you a world of good.  Feeling good is allowed even in the midst of this grave crisis.  It does not diminish someone else's suffering.  Instead, it gives us a chance to share some lightheartedness with those around us as we blindly stumble along this stony path.

 Praying for the end to this virus and SOON. 

Into the desert

Ash Wednesday begins the penitential season of Lent.  Every year it sneaks up so quickly that admittedly, it catches me off guard.  However, Lent is actually my absolute favorite liturgical season of all.  I know this may seem odd, but it is the truth.

Preparation, patience, and penance help me to seek a deeper relationship with God. 

I prepare my heart for the Resurrection by delving into God's Word more regularly and with a deeper focus on a daily basis.  It is not how long or how much I read.  It is the interior reflection of how God speaks to me.  In addition to prayer and reading God's Word, I will partake in penance, fasting and almsgiving.

I try my best to be more patient with others, but first I need to allow space to sit with my own negative thoughts and intolerances and give them to the Lord so as to become more patient with myself. 

I have forty days to offer up private acts of penance as well as go to the sacrament of Reconciliation and receive forgiveness and penance.  It does well for my soul to be clean and fresh for the Easter celebration. 

This season is my favorite because it is so rich in soul searching while taking on a posture of humility.  The forty days set aside can seem so very long to be disciplined in carrying a cross, but it connects us so deeply with Jesus and His long time in the desert. 

Lent should "feel" different than other seasons.  The yearning for the Alleluias to return in church as well the Glorias give us pause.  Waiting and listening quietly for God's loving voice to be spoken into our hearts helps us move with more intent and purpose. 

These are a few of my thoughts.  If you wish to share your feelings and or practices about Lent, please comment on my blog. 

I wish everyone a holy time in the desert. 

Walking in wellness

Now that we are several weeks into the new year, this is usually the time I take a closer look at how I am doing in relation to my intentions that I set for myself at the beginning of this year.  In my previous blog I mentioned practicing "soulutions" instead of resolutions that might provide a more purposeful perspective to managing daily life.

To be honest, I feel like I am just now stepping into 2020 with my sneakers on ready to walk in wellness instead of crawling through the chaos of chronic illness. In addition to the normal struggle of my M head, any sickness on top of that really can wreak havoc to my system.  For three weeks around the holidays, our house was cursed with several variations of the nasty respiratory virus that was "going around."   One by one family members dropped quickly.  It was the gift that kept giving for sure.  However, we all managed together and that seemed to lessen the burden overall.  We still had plenty of fun playing games amidst the coughs and sniffles!

One of my intentions is to shift my perspective in how I manage the daily-ness of chronic M.  Instead of concentrating on my limitations and feeling the weight of the multitude of medication side effects, I hope to focus more on the progress I am making in reaching the tiniest of goals in my healthy choices.  This feels so much better and offers me hope and encouragement to keep going. 

A positive attitude and a perky perspective are not to be confused with making light of coping with M disease.  Many people who live with invisible illnesses and deep, hurtful wounds can sometimes feel like their experiences are not validated. This is not helpful.  Just because they seem fine in outward appearances doesn't mean all is well and good.  Being truthful about how hard the journey can be at times is the best way to educate others speaking from a place of authenticity.

Can you think of any times a shift in perspective might help you handle a situation better?  Maybe it is a relationship that needs improving or a nagging health issue or a work situation that seems overwhelming.  Sometimes all you need is a little boost to get going in the right direction.  That little boost can be refreshing in body, mind, and spirit.

I found this little exercise very helpful, and I offer it to you.  May your days be filled with gratitude and joy in this new year. 

Soulutions for the new year

The New Year is upon us as well as a new decade!  I have taken time to ponder and reflect not only the past year but also the past ten years.   I imagine you have done the same to some extent.  Reviewing the past carefully and intentionally certainly lends a colorful perspective to the present landscape.

For me, I stepped into 2010 with energy, goals to obtain, and a faith filled with hope.  My sons were at different stages finishing high school and preparing for college, so I was preparing for our home environment to change.  Middle age was staring me in the face, and I was trying to figure out how to respond to this new phase of life.  I knew I wanted to get my body stronger physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

My days were starting to get filled with activities that suited "my plans".  I felt in control and definitely driving in the driver's seat.  My days were fulfilling because I was in the "doing" mode.  Many volunteer opportunities awaited me, and I was excited to jump aboard and get involved.   Little did I know that those plans were soon to change.

The beginning of 2010 met me with a huge dropping of the ball but not of the beautiful, glitzy New York city kind.   By mid January, I actually did not know what ball hit me.   It turned out that ball did have a name----viral meningitis and shingles.  It flattened me in no time and I was in the hospital before I really knew what the heck was happening.  Suffice to say that "my plans" certainly changed.

For the next decade I climbed mountains, ran marathons, swam in stormy waters, and rode every sickening, fast roller coaster known to man.  I did these activities day after day after day as I traversed the journey of chronic migraine.  I lived through the high of the highs and the low of the lows never imagining the darkness could be so dark.  But.it.was.

Now stepping into this new decade, I am wiser, stronger, confident, and more compassionate for those who suffer.  My faith has grown deeper and God has saved me from myself.  My gratitude runs deep and wide for every blessing.  Lessons are still being learned, and I now know how to live a full life regardless if I am "doing" or "being".   Life is good even with my chronic illness.  It took me almost ten years to embrace this.

So here it is 2020 .   I am once again going to live out  Soulutions instead of resolutions.  This was created by Ann Voskamp, author and speaker.   Here is an example if you wish to do the same.   Think on the word and then fill in the blanks.  It is a meaningful exercise that is directed toward your soul.

Once again, thank you everyone who has and still is loving me and helping me on my journey!!  May this new year be full of happiness and blessings to you!

                                   I PURPOSE TO

Embrace---------
Engage-----------
Be----------------
Believe----------
Break------------
Daily------------
Do---------------
Let Go----------
Learn------------
Live-------------
Give-------------
Grow------------