Stepping into a new season

Whether we are ready or not, the season of Fall will soon be upon us.  The carefree, summertime schedules and activities and spontaneous gathering of friends on a summer evening will soon give way to a different pace.  The start of school and new activities revolving around sports or music or community events will demand a tighter reign on family time.  It can be an exciting time as the new routines are fresh and full of fun possibilities, but it can also become overwhelming if life becomes too hectic and draining trying to meet the needs and expectations of so many.  

On one hand, I am ready for the cool, crisp Fall weather as I do not feel well in the heat and humidity.  This summer was a hot one even for CT!  Whew!  The crazy weather fluctuations had me lying flat out in my dark bat cave with AC and not popping outside until the evenings.  Bummer.  On the other hand, I am not quite ready to let go of summer because I secretly wish for a "do-over".  Many of my plans of people to see, places to go, and things to do sat on a dusty shelf.  Life had other plans...

For me, I desire to be intentional about stepping into a new season, and I don't mean just Fall.  I want to be intentional about stepping into a new season of deeper faith, more trust, and an increased surrender to God who knows what is best for me and my family.   Stepping into an attitude of grattitude under all circumstances will take courage. I want to prepare myself for this process of "stepping in" by trusting and "letting go".  May God grant me his glorious grace.  

So as we all step into a new season of our lives, I will leave you with these words and reflections from an author, John McQuiston II, in his book, "Always We Begin Again, The Benedictine Way of Living". 

"This is the gift we have been granted---the potential to experience all that comes to us in this life

 In complete confidence, love, and joy;

 To have the courage and strength 

 To put aside fear and despair;

 And to live each day

 In unquestioning trust in the divine providence

 Which has brought us into being."

 

                              

My Rio story

For the past week and a half, I have been glued to my television or computer watching the Olympics like I am sure many of you are doing as well.  The games are so exciting, and I am captivated with all of  the athletes, their personal stories, and the thrill of the competitions.  The Olympics are keeping me entertained which is both a blessing and a curse.  They provide hours of distraction while I am "not at my best" , but the bad thing is that I should not be spending a lot of viewing time on screens.  I can't seem to win!!  Lol. 

However, I continue to watch and listen as I observe closely the absolute strength, focus, discipline, endurance, and perseverance these extraordinary athletes demonstrate. I am amazed.  They train day in and day out for years to even have the chance to qualify for the games.  Their big sized dreams come at quite a price not only to them but to those around them.  

Listening to their personal life stories that bring them to the Olympic competitions is what inspires me.  Many share their struggles, injuries, and set backs which entail both physical and mental challenges. Quite often, the athletes speak of their many obstacles as stepping stones which actually propell them forward in reaching their dreams of winning the gold medal.  

The athletes give honor to their families, friends, coaches, and other teammates because they know that their success hasn't been achieved walking the path alone.  It takes an entire dedicated support team to help them cross their finish line and medal!   I particularly like the story of Michael Phelps and his unique path of highs and lows and vulnerability.  His story matters because it possibly gives us insight into our own struggles and triumphs.  I also love the Jamacain runner, Bolt.  Who doesn't?  His large personality is engaging and fun.  The U.S.A. Women's swim team and their endearing smiles---learning a small tidbit of their stories makes us feel like we "know" them a little better each time they compete. 

My road to Rio looks and feels different from these real athletes who are currently competing. However, I get up each day and feel as though I am training for a marathon or some other grueling event.  I plant my feet on the floor each morning and breathe in some positive energy, set my intention, grab my team of amazing supporters, and try to move forward as best I can.  "Pray first, move second" is my motto.  I may be slow and may not get too far depending on how my head and body feel, but I keep with my training. Mentally and physically I try to keep a positive mindset while keeping my eyes fixed on my goals.  Some days I feel successful, while other days, the obstacles seem very daunting.  

Well, I may not win any gold medals at the end of a day, but that doesn't matter to me.  In my heart, I win knowing that I am surrounded by much love and support from those around me.  My faith gives me purpose and the strength I need to carry on while encouraging others to keep training as well.  

What does your road to Rio look and feel like?  How can your personal story matter to others if you allow it to be shared?  

May you all enjoy watching the rest of the games!!

Lessons learned down in the bunker

It is sometimes funny where we have the opportunity to learn life lessons.  Certain situations call for an openness to insight.  During my last bout of being "taken down by my tornado", I reflected upon my attitude while taking shelter, so to speak.  

It came to me on a particularly rough day that living with chronic M is like living in tornado alley---all the time.  Much like individuals who live in a community where they must constantly prepare for the next impending tornado,  I have to do the same.   There are particular warning signs that my body experiences which alert me to what is soon about to happen.  At first, I outright deny that it is going to really happen---AGAIN?  NOOOO!!  Not again!  Then, I have to settle down and focus on the inevitable reality.  The tornado is definitely headed my way.   Gulp.  

I take shelter.  I stop what I am doing and depending on where I am, I get home as quickly as possible.  I grab my migraine tool kit which is full of necessary supplies and head to my bunker.  My family room or bedroom is cool and dark and has the environment I need to survive the storm.  Sometimes I am alone, and other times, loved ones are right beside me.  Each tornado comes with a vengeance and leaves a nasty path of utter destruction which is highly unpredictable each and every time.  Scary.  

But when the storm is over and all starts quieting down just a bit, I learned I have two choices to make.  I can either stay down in my bunker taking shelter for fear of when the next tornado arrives, or I can open up the bunker door and step out into the light of a brand new day.  Let me be honest here, there are plenty of times I just want to stay and take shelter.  I am exhausted and weary physically and emotionally and wonder if it is worth going out.  That attitude is not a healthy one. That attitude won't put my feet on the ground to start moving forward again.  That attitude won't help me clean up all the strewn debris.   That attitude allows for a victim mentality which is simply not who I am in Christ.  

Instead, I try to intentionally choose to open the the bunker door, step outside into the glorious Light, and get back to living the rich life I have been given.  God provides every grace necessary to carry on while living in my tornado alley.  I may fail in my attitude at times, but God never fails in His love and care for me.  Never.  

Friends, in what circumstances do you find yourself learning some of life's tough lessons?  Where do you find answers? Is it easy or hard to change your attitude when it needs an overlhaul?  

I will let you sit and wrestle with those questions for awhile.  

Summertime fun

My friends, I hope by mid July you are all seeking and finding some summertime fun into your lives.  It is so important for the body, mind, and spirit to lighten up a bit and partake of what the season of summer has to offer.  Yes, the days can be long and hot and tiring, but somewhere in the midst of all of that, there is fun to be had.   Maybe you are carving out special time for family vacations or just some lazy days off (when schedules permit) to just BE.  Hopefully, a combination of both would be fulfilling.  

For me, I have always enjoyed summer.  As a kid, I loved the long days of hanging out with girlfriends and heading to our local community pool.  There was always something to do or somewhere to go to keep us entertained in ways that were very simple and meaningful.  I also enjoyed a lot of quiet time just reading or listening to my music or playing the piano.  As I grew older, I worked but still found time to immerse myself in the richness of the summer season.  

As time marched on and we grew our own family, summertime took on different phases, so to speak.  Having little ones under toe all the time, the long, hot days were a challenge in some aspects.  It took forever to get everyone rounded up and ready for the day ahead as we set off on many adventures.  I went with girlfriends and their children to parks, children museums, beaches, and indoor play areas for needed reprieve.  We also spent fun times at each other's houses in the pools, sprinklers, and getting drenched from the water gun fights.   We ate loads of yummy Popsicles and simple picnic foods.  The mommies bonded and shared life with kids under foot while the daddies toiled at the workplace.  Sound "traditional"?  Yes, it was.   Life was great.  

Just recently as our family (now 4 grown young men) sat around our dinner table, we talked about the memories of past summers.  The boys each shared some of their favorite memories, and my heart was overjoyed.  They were saying how happy those times were and how thankful for the opportunities which we provided.   WOW.   Mommy had to take a deep breath and savor that moment.   Sometimes, it seems to be the smallest of things that can make a large impact on our soul. 

Currently, my days of summertime fun are hit and miss at best.  I can no longer tolerate sunny days at the beach or a lake.  I have to walk quickly in early morning and then hopefully have a longer stroll on our local Boardwalk in the evening.  I have to stay inside and cool which can make me feel a bit ansie. 

The summer weather patterns are huge M triggers for me which are totally out of my control.   Packing up and going anywhere is a bigger deal for my needs than packing up four young toddlers back in the days!  Lol!  Well, it is what it is, and I do the best I can.  I will continue to set my intentions to focus on the positive and let go of unnecessary expectations.

Just this past week, I found my happy place being surrounded by my four young adult sons who happened to be home here all at once.  Yay!!!  We had a really treasured week together.  It was kind of challenging for me as I was not up for all of the activities due to my continual and most annoying uninvited guest, but I finally threw him out the back door!   Overall, our family shared many laughs and crazy moments that were sacred silly.  Praise God.  

May you find silliness, stillness, and peace during the rest of this summer season. 

Encouragement---Could you use a little of this today?

"Blessed be the God and Christ, the father of compassion and God of all encouragement, who encourages us in every affliction, so that we may be able to encourage those who are in any affliction with the encouragement with which we ourselves are encouraged by God."    2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I know most days I sure can use some encouragement.  I read God's Word and find it there.  I then feel inspired to offer it back out into my little world.  Let's face it, we ALL could use a little no matter what season of life in which we find ourselves.  Some days and moments are harder than others depending on what we are currently walking through, so a little bit of kindness and encouragement really go a LONG way.  

This past week was a particularly difficult for me in a number of different ways.  Mostly, I was physically side-lined due to my chronic M symptoms, and I grew weary and exhausted from the daily-ness of it all. I had "plans" and life to attend to, darn it!  But, none of it was happening in "my way" at all.  Not.One.Bit.  

However, I sure received some absolutely refreshing gifts of encouragement from family, friends, and places that were God's continual show of His love and mercy and grace for me.  They were all a salve unto my tired and painful body and soul.  I received uplifting text messages and songs from dear hearts who accompany me on this journey as well as smiles, gentle hugs, meals made, errands run, and sons who retrieve my ginger-ale and ice packs!  Many of my prayer warriors were attentive in offering their blessings and prayers.  

I must give a particular shout out to my new headache specialist, Dr. Grosberg.  As I stated before in a past post, he is simply an amazing doctor but more importantly, his kind-heart speaks volumes of his character.  He told me that he "has my back" and not to worry as he will help my through this journey.  He even went as far to say, "thank you for letting me take care of you."  W.H.A.T.??  Did I hear him correctly?  Oh yes I did.  After I thanked him profusely for his care, he said those kind words to me at least three times at the visit.   Let me tell you, I was reduced to tears right then and there.  My hubby was quite full of emotion as well---shhhh, don't tell anyone. :)

There is always, always, always something to be thankful for even in the midst of our hardest times.  

As I receive kindness, love, and encouragement, it is my honor to offer the same to others in need.  My prayer is that God will always place before me who might need it in a special way each day.  It doesn't take long to receive a clear answer from the Holy Spirit.  That is what gives me purpose to my day.  

I invite you, my friends, to think of at least one offering of encouragement you can send out into this hurting world of ours.  Each day is a new opportunity to shine our light of hope.  

May you all have a most blessed day!!  

    Beautiful flowers from my neighbor's garden 

    Pretty encouragement!

A season of unsettled-ness

"To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven."  (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

I am pleased to share that I am crossing over into a new season, one of which for now, seems to be a season of light and soul refreshment.  I am ever so slowly coming up for air and moving on in my life of new normals.  I don't feel as stuck or angry or fearful as I emerge from my darkness.  I am finally "exhaling" and relaxing while leaning into God's amazing grace.  I still from time to time wrestle with Him when I become overwhelmed, but I know that the wrestling means I am embracing His mercy and love all the more.  

This new season of which I am finding myself is one I call, unsettled-ness.  Quite simply, my body and emotions are feeling somewhat strange and unsettled.  In addition to the usual, daily management of living with chronic M and all which that entails, my family life continues to experience transitions as well.  

Some are major ones, some minor.   Life doesn't stand still while chronic illness takes a front seat.  My entire family is affected in some form---for better and for worse.  

Our young, adult sons are at various stages of independence which means they are still requiring guidance and nurturing---and possibly a home base with a bed and a fridge full of food!  Lol!  Changing jobs and residences and chasing new hopes and dreams all bring about unsettled-ness.  Hubby and I are empty-nesters one year and not the next. His work place is undergoing some major reorganization of which the outcome is not yet certain.   Our extended family members are plodding through some tough, uphill challenges of their own due to health issues and stage of life transitions.  More unsettled-ness.  

In this particular season, my family and I will learn new ways of adapting and growing together.  We will figure out how to best help one another.  Some days will be easier than others, but that is to be expected.  Participating fully in all that this season has to offer will be my focus.   There will be unexpected sorrows and joys and blessings along the way.   

And there is always Holy in the Hard.

And miracles in the mess. 

 

Treasuring my blessings

I will conclude my June blog posts about migraine/headache disorder awareness with a positive focus.  Often times, I get overwhelmed by the daily grind of dealing with chronic M which can be quite draining and depressing.  I will frame this post in a positive light to lift my spirits as well as share that even in our most difficult trials, we can look for many blessings.

Holding space for both the pain/suffering along with joy.  

Cherishing quality moments more than quantity with family and friends.

Continually being humbled by the outpouring of love, support, and concern for me and my people by so many kind-hearted individuals. 

Embracing the need for more solitude and silence in my days in order to fill with the presence and guidance of the Holy Spirit.  

     
Enjoying my slower pace of "being" rather than the busy rushing of "doing".   (This is a big transformation as I always thought my doing was of more value than being.)

Practicing patience with myself and others especially when I feel miserable, hurt, and alone.

Seeking the simple pleasures of each day and feeling thankful to experience them, like watching beautiful sunsets from the boardwalk, listening to the birds singing sweetly, and playing with our neighborhood cat who comes to visit me.  

Giving voice to my story through my personal journaling and blogging.

Pursuing a peaceful and prayerful presence each and everyday. 

Letting go of my noisy ego that shouts too loudly and instead learning to laugh more.  

Swallowing my pride and accepting help when I need it.  

Realizing that self-care and compassion are vital to my healing process and letting go of the guilt which may accompany it.  

Casting fear aside for a bit and trying new medical treatments while remaining positive.

Learning not to sweat the small stuff!  

Living in the present moment and breathing in its most sacred space.  

Believing that my suffering does have a redemptive purpose even if I can't see it.  

Opening my heart to a deeper sense of compassion for others who are in need and suffering. 

Desiring to jump in and "do the hard and messy" with someone else who is struggling.

Acknowledging and accepting life is full of more tough questions than neat and tidy answers. 

Learning to get out of my own way so that God can fill me up with His beautiful plan for my life. 

Last but not least, praying with conviction, fervor, and purpose because our awesome God is continually showing me the power of prayer.  

Thank you to my readers for sharing this journey with me and know that I am truly blessed by your constant encouragement, support, and love.  

I bet you already have experienced many of these same blessings but may not have reflected upon them.  Maybe you will soon allow yourself the opportunity to do so.  

Happy summer!!