Climbing into a new decade

The BIG 60---gulp! For several months before turning 60 in April, I was having my share of little freak outs.  Sounds silly, but for some reason, I could not fathom facing a new decade.  To me, 60 just sounded "old".  It is all a matter of perspective with many complex factors involved.  People say that it is "just a number" and "who really cares"? Statements like those are relatively true, but I gave myself permission to muse in disbelief. 

My 50's decade was marred by the fact I spent much of it in a horizontal posture on the couch instead of vertical enjoying life to its fullest. There were many highs and lows, but as I approached 60, my boundaries started to widen, and my spirits felt renewed. Personal changes were occurring, and as hubby and I decided to make a big life move, I felt as if I could hike my Matterhorn far more steadily than ever before.

Let me say now, I am definitely embracing 60 (even with all of the daily aches, pains, and creaky joints)! My sweet husband, with the help of other wonderful family members, threw a spectacular birthday surprise party for me (of which I did not want) but forgave him anyway because it all was wonderful. He put so much planning and hard work into it, complete with tiny lies for my sake. I felt humbled and honored by family, friends, and neighbors who brought so much joy to the gathering! It was as though magic happened, and once I actually turned 60, no more feeling down about it. The new number arrived and that was that. 

My other big 60 moment was stepping out of my comfort zone and finally getting a tattoo of which I have wanted for over a year. And get a tattoo I did! What better theme than a picture of the Matterhorn Mountain in relation to my memoir? This tattoo is deeply personal, and it is another way to advocate for migraine disease. I even made sure it has a splash of purple on top!  Not sure of the many different opinions and reactions there will be, but that doesn't matter.  It is special to me, and for that, I am grateful I had it done. My sweet goddaughter told me that not only does she "love it" but that she likes the fact I wear my "badge of courage" on my arm.  Well said, Monica. Thank you.

My recent time around the sun has been great overall.  My birthday wishes and celebrations have all been so meaningful, and I appreciate every one of them. Thanks to everyone for always making me feel special.  

 Life is hard. Life is messy. Life is beautiful. 

SURPRISE PARTY

SPRING IS HERE

..

       OH.YES.I.DID!

Creating space for a new story to emerge

Speaking from experience, I know firsthand what it is like to "make room" for a new story to unfold. It has been fourteen long years of living with the after effects of meningitis and shingles and ten of those years living with chronic migraine. Every year at this time my body remembers the physical and emotional pain of hospitalization along with its debilitating journey of daily struggling. It is my form of PTSD. This can be related to any kind of trauma our body holds tightly which can wax and wane over many years. It is nothing of which to be ashamed. It is what it is. 

The first six years of my illness I didn't really know how I was going to survive living with so many scary symptoms all the while trying multitudes of treatments and medications never knowing if any of them would really help. It was a very hard and dark season not only me but for my family. I thank the good Lord who provided MUCH support from family and friends and a headache specialist who cared about helping me get to a better place of management of migraine disease.

Here it is 13 years later, and I am excited to write a new chapter to my story. I do not wish to remain stuck in the difficult past dwelling on what was. It is not healthy physically or mentally. Making the physical move from CT to PA has been a positive start. I embrace the newness(yet familiar) because it offers a fresh start so to speak. It is a chance to turn in a new direction and walk into healing.

God has also provided me with another fantastic and kind headache specialist close to my home, and we are working together on a good treatment plan that keeps me functioning and enjoying much more than ever before. I am learning to "let go" of patterns of trigger fear so that I can fully embrace the joy of the moment.  Do I still take a variety of medications? Yes, for now. Am I tolerating the many side effects? Yes, for the most part. Do I still have to sometimes not participate in an event due to feeling too unwell? Yes, unfortunately so. This is acceptable. I am managing. 

The lesson I am learning is to allow myself to create space in my mind, body, and spirit to embrace my new story of healing. Little by little I am willing to be flexible and open to new opportunities by trying different treatments as well as trying new experiences and adventures that are placed in my path. Even though I experience flare ups and setbacks, I am now better able to respond in a more positive way instead of reinforcing old habits of doom and gloom. As I wrote in my book, Climbing My Matterhorn,  healing is not linear. There will be steps forward as well as backwards which is completely normal in any healing process no matter what the situation. More self awareness and self care directly influence my path forward instead of remaining stuck. Feeling stuck does not offer a full life. It offers a small, tenuous one. Decisions to grow do not happen all at once, but each day is a new opportunity to begin again.

May grace fall softly upon you today.

  

Wintering

In the Bleak Midwinter is a lovely poem written by the English poet Christina Rossetti and commonly performed as a Christmas Carol sung by many musical artists. I grew up in church singing this every year and came to love it. I encourage you to find it on YouTube and listen to it in its entirety. 

 "In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan,

  Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone;

  Snow had fallen, snow on snow,

  Snow on snow,

  In the bleak midwinter, long ago..."

I am wintering. My body, mind, and soul are preparing for the longer days ahead with gradual increases in light. I am tapping into quiet energy that will sustain me for the rest of January, February, and March before Spring arrives in 2024. 

After the hubbub of the holiday festivities and slowly recovering from the cooking, eating, and entertaining, my body is in need of REST. This year was so special hosting family and friends in our new home, and we all remained well and unscathed from the lurking viruses that are ever present around us.  

Currently I am choosing quiet activities of reading, writing, crocheting, and snuggling under my favorite blanket in order to reset my "slightly overstimulated" central nervous system. Winter evenings are sometimes spent with dear friends and neighbors sharing meaningful conversation and joy to lift our spirits which can easily find us in an occasional post holiday funk. These choices leave me feeling renewed and peaceful. Even when my head becomes cranky due to any number of triggers, I am tending to it carefully, and my body thanks me graciously for doing so.

I have experienced all four seasons here in PA which have seamlessly floated from one to the other.  WOW. It is hard to comprehend. It has been a very busy and exciting year of transition so slowing down my pace for the rest of winter is a needed intention. 

I offer you, my friends, to possibly take a look at how you might wish to "winter". Do you think your pace and activities might need another perspective for a few weeks or months? Can you observe the small, subtle lengthening of the days with the placement of light and shadows? How about the magnificent moonlight against the clear January sky? 

May you embrace grace in this new year no matter what journey (difficult or easy) lies ahead. God is with you always.

Countryside Calmness

 A year has passed since we left the Connecticut seaside and planted new roots in the countryside of central PA. What a year it has been! Five months Michael and I shared living space with my mom who was most generous while our house was under construction. Not every moment was easy and without conflict, but we learned, with much grace, that love and flexibility were the keys for a smooth transition.  

Winter, spring, and now summer have presented a new, calm rhythm and flow as we center ourselves in the green, lush farmlands, mountains, and open space of Boiling Springs, PA.  The not so long ago hustle and bustle of the CT shoreline is now being replaced with a more laid back pace. Lovely impromptu visits with friends and neighbors are easily welcomed, and Michael and I realize the timing of our move seems "perfect" for this next season of our lives. However, the friendships we grew and nurtured in CT remain ever close in our hearts.

Our new community in which we reside is full of friendly neighbors who are eager to chat and gather at a moment's notice.  Mike and I are learning the ins and outs of grilling homemade pizzas with our outside pizza grill so that we can offer some fun yummy treats with everyone (that is when we don't burn them)! Sharing time with life long friends is extra special in every possible way. Living much closer to family (almost everyone) bestows a great blessing upon our lives.  

Unfortunately, adapting to the unpredictable weather and storm patterns as well as the central PA heat and humidity has not been easy on my migraine body.  People are kindly inquiring if I "feel better" living here, but this is not the case.  I am grateful for my new headache specialist who is wonderful, but we have work to do yet.  More climbing my Matterhorn for sure!

I will remain an active migraine advocate while living here offering HOPE to others through education and my own personal experience. I am honored to do so as my own healing journey continues. 

"Harvesting healing is always a continuing journey because it springs up from deep within a soul. We must set an intention of moving forward no matter what and accepting the day for what it brings. It means accepting the good with the bad and the indifferent. It means looking at our precious chronic illness through the lens of a strong warrior because we can do hard things."

                                                  Lisa Aleo

                                                   Climbing My Matterhorn, My story of                                                                           meningitis, migraine, and miracles

Spring Awakening

Since we have recently entered the anticipated season of spring, I found a lovely poem by my favorite author, John O'Donohue, from his book "To Bless the Space Between Us:A Book of Blessings."

"Within the grip of winter, it is almost impossible to imagine the spring. The gray perished landscape is shorn of color. Only bleakness meets the eye; everything seems severe and edged. Winter is the oldest season; it has some quality of the absolute. Yet beneath the surface of winter, the miracle of spring is already in preparation; the cold is relenting; seeds are wakening up. Colors are beginning to imagine how they will return. Then, imperceptibly, somewhere one bud opens and the symphony of renewal is no longer reversible. From the black heart of winter a miraculous, breathing plentitude of color emerges.

The beauty of nature insists on taking its time. Everything is prepared. Nothing is rushed. The rhythm of emergence is a gradual slow beat always inching its way forward; change remains faithful to itself until the new unfolds in the full confidence of true arrival. Because nothing is abrupt, the beginning of spring nearly always catches us unaware. It is there before we see it; and then we can look nowhere without seeing it."

For me, the longer days of light, warmer temperatures, the assurance of blossoms and new growth, and the varied songs of the birds, give me joy and confidence that the rhythm of nature becomes awake inside my soul. 

What is your favorite sign of spring?

My pretty tulips and pansies from our garden in East Lyme, CT.  They make me smile.

Some beauty from Boiling Springs, Pa.

May we remember to be good stewards of the generous bounty of God's creation.

Lenten nuggets

As Henri Nouwen once wrote, "O Lord, make this Lenten season different from the other ones. Let me find you again. Amen."   Upon reflection----

L---eaning into fully knowing God's deep Love for me

E---xamining my own brokenness and exploring ways to heal that brokenness

N---ever forgetting the power of patience and purposeful waiting to see God's will in         my life

T---hanking God for His everlasting mercy and forgiveness which is never failing

I have decided to share little nuggets of my faith journey this Lenten season. They will be brief and simple compared to some of my previous ones when it seemed like I remained in one big loooooong and complicated Good Friday.  Many of those deep struggles I share in my book. 

This Lenten season may I have the courage and strength to help others walk their unique path of difficulty and questioning by offering my presence in whatever small way I am capable. 

If you would like to share your thoughts, please do so either on my blog directly or as a private message on FB or IG.  Joining with you would be my honor. Let me know how I can pray for you.

May we continue to reach for the light just like these pretty crocuses. 

New year. New home. New beginnings.

 Hello my friends! I have not forgotten my faithful followers! As you may know, the past few months have been delightfully chaotic.  Michael and I moved  from CT to PA in July, and it is crazy to realize we are in February of a new year. Part of the building process seemed long and drawn out, but overall, we crossed the finish line! Hooray!

I thought about blogging many times, but when I tried to sit down and collect my thoughts, I could not stay on task. I did not posses the bandwith to focus. While I write everyday in my journal, those thoughts have remained private for now. My yearning to reach out once again has been tugging at me for some time, so I knew I had to jump back in the saddle soon.

Michael and I are settling into our new lovely place and making it a home. It is our hope it will convey an atmosphere of peace, comfort, and welcome. We invite  friends to stop and say hello, and we would be happy to show you this beautiful area of mountains and farmlands.  

Moving has not been complete without the nuisance of meddling Mr. Migraine. In my fantasy dreams I hoped I could lose him in CT, but of course, my daily reality proves differently. I cannot seem to escape his tenacity of finding me wherever I go. Ugh. I am managing his unwanted presence with the help of medications, rest, yoga and another good headache specialist for which I am grateful. 

I am excited to have my very own professional office space in which to write and continue my migraine advocacy work.  My memoir was written mostly from my bed or the couch in CT, but my "next" book shall come to life in a more proper setting, I hope. 

"New" can feel scary and uncomfortable at times, and I have certainly experienced those feelings over the years to some degree. However, my perspective of new is currently uplifting, fresh, and rewarding. I am settling in quite easily as the familiarity of my surroundings brings joy. 

Sending warm wishes from central PA.

Little did I know when I was in high school this Allenberry sign would be a foreshadowing of my future many years to come. It is truly funny how life turns out. The 1980 picture was taken from my high school yearbook when I was a sophomore.   Yes, I am dating myself...

 

Our Appalachian style home welcomes you.